Sunday, October 14, 2007

April 20, 2007

I saw this coming.

I saw this coming since February, when Michael told me he was getting kicked out of his doctoral program.

No, wait. To be honest, I saw this coming since November, when he told me that there was something "missing" from our relationship. He loved that we could hang out endlessly, have great sex (having so many orgasms in one session we actually started to count after that), that I got along with his friends and family well, but that was not enough. He thought I wasn't high-maintenance enough for him (like his ex, who demanded the most ridiculous things from him during their brief relationship). I didn't demand, I didn't whine or complain...I was happy, and that wasn't enough.

Fast forward to April.

I should have gone to the movies with my friends. I should have ditched him for the evening, even though we hadn't seen each other in weeks, and gone to see that movie.

"I'll come over to you", he said. Uh-oh. He never came over to me.

He came over, sat on my bed, took my hands and stared at the floor. "I don't think I can do this anymore".

Here was the man I thought I was going to marry. On paper, he was awesome. Tall, smart (getting his doctorate for Pete's sake!), funny, sarcastic, good in bed, devoted to making me cum as many times as possible, a decent cook (although not a terribly healthy one), great at getting along with my friends and family, and, best of all, Jewish enough for me. We looked great together, we could spend hours in bed and not care about moving, we planned trips to go away...I thought I was in love. Yet, in the back of my mind, I knew that he wasn't the right one for me. I knew that he was incapable of loving me (whether he could love someone else one day is something neither of us knew), incapable of stepping out of his "slacker zone", and totally incapable of having a normal, healthy relationship.

The one thing I kept thinking, as he went on about how maybe our timing was off (he had the balls to tell me the story of his aunt and uncle who dated, broke up, dated other people, and then found their way back to each other), how he could see himself getting married to me, having kids, and being content, but that wasn't enough, and how he wanted to have me in his life, was "I can't believe I missed that movie!"