I'm Lame

But I'm okay with that.

I blew off the Israeli. I feigned illness and instead went out with one of my friends for sushi and drinks.

And it was so much better than shlepping into the city after a long week.

For those who are wondering why exactly I blew him off, here are my reasons:

#1: I didn't feel like getting dressed up and going into the city for a night of drinking and dancing with a guy I barely know, and had no major motivation for seeing.

#2: I didn't want to possibly be put in a situation where he would want to get physical. Let's face it, the night of the Matzo Ball I was just flirting, with no real intention of doing anything. If he actually thought that Friday would end with something sexual, he would be wrong, and I didn't want to find out if that was going to happen.

#3: I'm essentially lazy now when it comes to going out with guys, especially on a Friday night after work. You either come to me for stuff or I don't go out at all (at least not with a guy I'd date). Hanging out with my friends, who love me no matter what, is MUCH more appealing.

So, sushi and drinks with my friend was the M.O. for Friday night. Saturday I went to the beach with friends (again, no stress)...this is what my summer needs to be like!

Deja Vu Sucks

I always do this...

I set up something with a guy I don't really know, and right before it happens, I start not wanting to go. Usually, the date/hanging out/whatever you want to call it goes smashingly well.

The Israeli and I haven't really spoken until tonight. We texted a few times, just to confirm days to hang out, but haven't really talked. I was beginning to think that Friday wasn't going to actually happen, and even made back-up plans with my gay boyfriend who I haven't seen in six months (and, honestly, would rather hang out with on a Friday night when I'm tired than the Israeli).

But then he called...and we have plans.

I should be excited, right? I'm feeling quite non-energetic. It's been a long week work-wise, and I'm exhausted. I'm not feeling well as I type this, so maybe that's why I'm feeling so unexcited about tomorrow.

Right?

We'll see how tomorrow goes...worse comes to worse, I feign sickness and head home (or bail on him wherever we go). After all, I will never see him again, right?

A (Possible) Blast From The Past

Okay, so back in December I went to the Matzo Ball with my girlfriends in search of a Jewish guy. Of course I found the only non-Jew in the crowd, saw a couple of guys from JDate, ran into friends of my ex (Michael), and met a guy from Israel who ended up hanging out with me and my girlfriends all night.

This Israeli and I immediately hit it off. Another girl in the group was majorly hitting on him, and as a respectful female I didn't fight her for him. After all, he was just going back to Israel a few days later, and I wasn't really in the mood that night to hook up with anyone. I just wanted to dance and have a good time.

Towards the end of the night, the other girl left, and he and I were kind of alone to chat and whatnot. We ended up sharing a cab to Penn, and because I had broken my cell phone a few days before, he had to give his email to my friend.

We emailed a few times, but I haven't heard from him since...

Until Friday night.

Facebook is a wonderful site.

I check my email on Friday and it says "Random Israeli has added you as a friend on Facebook."

WHAT?

So, I go and add him as a friend, and then write on his wall, "Well, well, well...look who it is".

And the next day I get this email:

"Hey,
How are you??
We had a great time in Christmas so I could not be in the city again, with out finding you
Ill be around till the end of next week so we can maybe set something up (I would have called… but I don’t have your number)."
HOLY CRAP...

So, let me get this straight...this guy remembered me enough to find me on Facebook when he was in NY again 6 months later?

Who is feeling kind of flattered? THIS GIRL!

So, I emailed him back with my phone number, and the days I'd be able to hang out. He texted me later with his number and said he'd be here until Saturday and that's he'd call me later.

I guess we will see if this "getting together" ever happens!

Huh? What? Who?

Back in December (12/19 to be exact) I wrote a post about having fun messing with a guy's head who I would never sleep with...

How do these things happen?

Okay, so let me explain. This man in question is someone that under normal circumstances would never fool around with because he dated one of my friends. And, even though the sexual tension at times is intense, it's "sisters before misters" when it comes down to it.

Until she decides to hook up with one of his friends...while they all are at my place...um, yeah.

Now, if you had asked me or this guy at, let's say, 3:00pm if we would have ended up having sex with each other 12 hours later, we both would have laughed. The idea seemed ridiculous to the two of us initially, but due to some wine/beer, a semi-short game of Truth or Dare (because we are back in seventh grade apparently), and the other two members of our small group hooking up, we were left alone, and we both were horny.

So we kissed.

It was okay...not terrible, not fabulous, but nice and after a while he kind of got the hint that I liked to be kissed a certain way. There was no crazy passion, but it was okay.

Then we moved to the bedroom. The other two did, so why not us, right?

Shirts came off...pants followed. He went down on me and even though I really wanted to be able to orgasm from that, he was just too fast with his tongue, and I couldn't enjoy it. I faked just so he would stop.

At one point I must have made a face that he noticed because he said to be, "What's that face for?" I replied, "It just occurred to me that I am just another notch in your belt. I know the way you talk about women, and I'm becoming one of those women that you just fuck and talk about to your boys."

AWKWARD!

The awkwardness passed after we both realized that we didn't care really about what happened after this encounter, that if the other two were getting their jollies why couldn't we, and we continued.

Good points: 1) he cums easily...not too fast and not too slow...plus, he moans which was such a turn-on; 2) he is attracted to vaginas...he loves them (as well as breasts) and is willing to pay attention to them at all times; 3) the sex was good, and I came through that a bunch of times.

Not-so-good points: 1) his fingering sucks; 2)he snores; 3) there was absolutely NO passion, nor the feeling that I would want to sleep with him again.

The next morning he left early (thank goodness) and I haven't heard from him (not that I expect to since we don't have each other's numbers).

I'm glad that I had sex (even if it was with this guy). I needed to separate my last encounter with Dean from whomever I date next. This guy was the perfect person to be that separator. It's completely meaningless and felt (physically) good.

I'm also glad that after all the tension that it was okay. I didn't think it would be mind-blowing, and to be honest if it was I'd be disappointed that I wouldn't be able to have it again.

Now I'm ready for my summer of semi-celibacy :)

How To Lose A Potential Friend In 10 Sentences (or less)

So, Dean text messaged me yesterday. A whole week without any calls or texts (he can't contact me any other way at this point), and for some reason the dumbass decides to text me.

He said that he knows that I don't get him or the way he thinks, and that he knows that I don't want to hear from him, but that he didn't want things to end the way they did. He wanted to be friends but (now get this) I handled the situation the wrong way. He then added that he will always consider me a friend if I ever want to have him as one.

(did you notice how he blamed me when he was telling me that he wanted to be my friend?)

Um, yeah...I'm good.

Why would I want to be friends with a condescending, self-centered, can't-take-responsibility-when-he's-wrong, immature asshole? I'm already friends with someone like that, but I'm only friends with him because we share some mutual friends, and it would be awkward if I wasn't cordial to him.

Needless to say, I'm ignoring him. Hopefully, he will take the hint and leave me alone. He supposedly knows that I don't want him to contact me, but that didn't stop him from sending me that initial text.

I have decided that I need to take a break from dating (at least active dating). I don't want to go back onto JDate or Match. I really want to enjoy my summer, have some alone time, and focus on me.

Not to say that I wouldn't accept a date if it was offered to me...I'm just not on the prowl like I was when I first started this blog. I need a break.

(pray for no more texts)

How Many Fights Does It Take To Make Me End A Relationship?

3 (well, technically 4)...within a 3-week period...especially when I realized that this relationship was doomed from the taking back.

Let's start at the beginning:

Week #1: We make plans to hang out on a Friday night. At 10. After a long-ass day of work. And then we were getting up at 8am to go to the Aquarium with his parents.

He calls me at 8 that night to tell me that he's going to have to meet me at 11 instead (great) because the thing he was working on with his best friend was running longer than expected.

Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled. He sensed this, and later, when he called me to ask where I was, preceded to get annoyed that I was a tad annoyed. A TAD being the key word here.

The trip to the Aquarium was nice (at least I thought). Little did I know that he was holding a grudge about me being annoyed from the night before. I got the cold shoulder the entire time there (his parents are nice...it's a shame that they will never be my in-laws), and after the trip I went home.

Weirdness ensues...

Week #2: Finally, we have planned to hang out alone on Saturday after my in-service class. I get a text mid-class saying that he got a call from his brother telling him that he had to go to his sister-in-law's grandfather's birthday dinner. Now, a normal boyfriend would automatically ask me if I wanted to go (and not give me an option of staying home), but instead it took a very long time for me to coax that offer out of him. I told him that I couldn't really discuss it, and that I would call him when I got out of the class.

I called him on the way home, and he informs me that he already told his brother that I wasn't coming.

Huh? When did I say that?

We then entered into a huge fight that eventually ended with us grumbling that I would go (why the fuck would he tell his brother I wasn't coming???) and that we were both pissed at each other. I went to the dinner, and, even after apologizing for not understanding why it was important for him to be there, he still treated me like I wasn't there once we got back to his place.

Let us now enter into Awkwardland...

Week #3: After a very long phone conversation the following Tuesday about what was bothering both of us (in which he brought up the whole keeping kosher thing AGAIN, even though it was supposedly not an issue anymore), I felt like this was going to be the end of us. My party that I had came and went (all with no physical contact from him, during and after the party), and Sunday rolled around (aka the day before the death of our relationship).

I texted him to find out what time his friend's BBQ was on Monday. He had told me about it the weekend before, but I never gave him a response as to whether or not I was going. He texted me back, "I don't know, why?" I responded that I wanted to plan out my day.

This is the response I got: Why does it matter. You're not coming.

WHEN THE FUCK DID I SAY THAT????

We then got into (over the phone) a screaming match that lasted a while. My friend was over, and it was nice to have a person present to see what I had been dealing with for the past 2 weeks. Nothing was resolved by the time I hung up on him, and when he texted me an hour later with a lame quasi-apology, there was still no invitation to the BBQ.

Why doesn't my boyfriend want me at these things with his friends? Does he not get that when you are in a relationship with someone, the other person shouldn't have to RSVP for things and that it is just assumed that they will be there (unless they say otherwise)?

The next day I decided that I really needed to talk. He decided to stay at his friend's BBQ instead of coming out to me (wrong move #1), and when he called me, he immediately went off on me as soon as I told him how upset I was (wrong move #2). After me saying something he found offensive ("Did I stutter?"), he hung up (wrong move #3). He called me back (I ignored him) and after checking the voicemail, I called him back. The conversation this time wasn't much different. He went off the minute I said anything that contradicted his point of view, and I got so frustrated with him, that I hung up after saying, "Go fuck yourself".

I have blocked him. MySpace, Facebook, IM...everything I can possibly do to prevent him from harassing me, I have done. I am so done with him. I can't be with someone who is so close-minded, so irrational, and so immature that they fight the way I did when I was 15. The difference here is that I don't fight the way I did when I was 15. I grew up, and know when to check what's going through my brain, and prevent it from coming out of my mouth.

So, while he was the most passionate boyfriend I have had, he was also a dick. I rather be alone and happy than miserable with him.

Side note: the day after we broke up, I received the invitation to the surprise party I was helping his mom plan. I had to RSVP (which I did, thankfully to voicemail), but he'll never know that I told his mom about the breakup (possibly before he did) because she can't tell him she spoke to me. Thank you surprise parties!!!

A Change

I think we have hit a roadblock. I don't know what it is exactly, but it's there, and I don't like it.

For someone who was all "I miss you so much" when we broke up, he's not seeming that way now, and I am growing sick and tired of it.

Part of me is staying because I'm hoping it's a rut that he's in, and that once whatever is bugging him passes it will go back to how awesome it was in the beginning.

The other part is staying because I want Rockband...this would be the evil, horrible, cruel part of me.

I have hope that he will go back to how he used to be, especially because I really liked him, and could see myself living with that person for the rest of my life. This funk-getting-into person that I am dating now is not someone I can see myself with forever.

I need to reflect a bit...