At Least It's A Free Meal (a true confession)

I Am Twitterpated

2008-12-20T23:29:00.002-05:00

If you don't know what that word means, go watch Bambi again.

Marc and I have been out on 3 dates now (although one date was just chilling at my place), and everything is awesome. We really like each other, and I hope we continue to really like each other.

We also had sex. And it was good. It's almost like he was made to fit me...weird how that happens.

I know that he is blown away by my complete acceptance of who he is. He has told me a lot of stuff that I need to know about him, and nothing has been so extreme that I have said, "fuck it" and bailed. We have all made mistakes (ummmmm, yeah), and as long as we accept our mistakes, move on, and try to not make them again, everything should be cool. I'm interested in who he is now not the mistakes he made then.

Tomorrow he meets my friends. Some of them, at least, but definitely two who are very important to my life. Their acceptance of him is pretty much crucial to things being all happy in my world. I do think they will get along. Since he and I share a wicked sense of humor, and they seem to get along with me, I think it's pretty much a done deal between him and my friends.

We shall see how tomorrow goes.

One thing that is on my mind is how is his brother going to react when we tell him. I asked Marc the other night if he told his brother, and he said no, that he hadn't yet. He then kept saying how dumb his brother was for not pursuing anything with me in the past, and I said that it was better that he hadn't because I could have ended up with the wrong brother. That, of course, completely made it an "awwwwww" moment, but it's true...I really think that his brother and I were never a good match. Sure there was a physical attraction, but there was no mental, and his brother was too much of a "sheep" for me to want to be with him for the long haul. I really like Marc in a way that I never felt for his brother. It makes me happy that things never went anywhere with his brother.

He spent the night, and it was nice having him there...I was a little sad not having him in my bed last night, but figured that there would probably be a few more nights of him staying over in my future, so I should enjoy my alone time while I could!

Sigh...twitterpated...

I Like A Boy

2008-12-14T17:57:00.002-05:00

I haven't "liked" a guy in a while...probably since Dean, and we all know how well that turned out. Marc is fantastic. We had our first date on Friday, and it was great. We went to an Italian restaurant for dinner, and then came back to my place to watch Thundercats.

Awesome.

We also made out for a long time...until about 5am...yeah...

I decided to tell the guys from JDate who I have been only talking to that I am not going to be going out on a date with them. I really like this guy, and don't feel like dating anyone else but him right now.

I am terrible at accepting compliments. It's weird for me when a guy tells me I'm sexy or I'm beautiful. I wish I was better, and I'm trying to work on it, but I always feel stuck not knowing what to say in return. I find Marc attractive...he's tall, and cute, and has a smile that makes me feel at ease for some reason. He's incredibly sweet and outgoing, and seems to love life. I just feel so awkward when he tells me how pretty I look.

We have date #2 tonight. I'm excited to see him again...I speak to him every day, multiple times, but I much rather see him in person. I also like the fact that he didn't wait a week to ask me out again. He waited a day.

Awesome.

Had I Only Known Then What I Know Now...

2008-12-11T17:17:00.002-05:00

I would have never hooked up with a certain guy.

So, back in the day, I had a friend who I crushed on, but the feeling were never reciprocated...at least not on a long-term level. We had the tendency, on nights before I had family coming over to my house, to get drunk and hook up. Nothing ever came of this, and now he's an uber-religious Heeb who is off in Israel studying to be a rabbi and hoping to find a wife.

Got all that? Fantastic. Let's continue...

Sunday I went to an engagement party of sorts in the city at a friend's apartment. This friend also happens to be best friends with the guy from the above story. I wasn't feeling terribly well, but I figured I'd just show my face, wish the couple a mazel tov and be on my way. My plan never happened.

I met a guy there. Super Heeb's brother to be exact.

This guy and I completely hit it off. Strange that when I'm feeling like crap, the men gravitate towards me. Who would have thought that hacking up a lung was attractive?

So, stats of Marc: Tall, cute, a big bigger than his brother, but that's fine by me, 35, is a computer geek (awesome) and has a wicked sense of humor. He's quick with the comebacks, and agrees that his brother is nuts. Two "downsides" (that aren't really downsides to be honest): he's a Yankee fan (boooooo!) and he has a 13-year old kid.

I've never dated a guy with a kid. I don't know the back story (if he got married to the mother, if he just supported her, what the custody situation is), but I'm sure I will find it out eventually.

He lives in my town, so he ended up driving me home after dinner. He and I spent over an hour just talking in his car in the parking garage of the LIRR. We exchanged numbers, and before I even got home that night I had a text asking me out for this weekend.

So we have date #1 tomorrow (hopefully I will feel up to it...this bronchitis sucks). I'm hoping to have the nerve to ask him about his daughter. I don't know how to ask about the back story, but I guess it will just come up when it comes up.

Another thing that I must mention is that I told him about me and his brother. He is totally cool with it (being the past and all) and actually said how he liked that I told him right away. He had hypothesized that we might have, but then figured that had we hooked up, I would have told him eventually.

He's awesome.

I haven't felt this way about a guy in a while.

Jumping Back In (I think)

2008-11-18T19:56:00.003-05:00

So, I haven't updated this blog in a while, and a lot has happened since the last post. With that said, let me recap:

One of the guys from JDate and I really hit it off over email and then on the phone. We have talked almost every day in some form since we started talking. There was a minor problem when I found out (on the worst day ever) that he had gone out on a few dates with one of my friends, but he's no longer seeing her (I know this because she hasn't spoken to me since he told her he didn't want to see her anymore and she went off on me). We finally went out on a date on Friday...

I think the date totally changed things for the worse. We had such a comfortable "relationship" before we went out, and now I feel like things have changed...he flirts when we do talk, but it's not as frequent, and I don't know what is up. I don't know if there will be a second date, and I almost wish that we never went out, since it seems to have completely ruined my comfort level with him (and possibly his with me). Argh...

Still talking as well to the other guy from JDate who went out with my roommate on two dates. Might go out with him at some point. He is the dirtiest guy I've met, and possibly the kinkiest. I'm somewhat convinced he won't be anything but a hook-up, but I will try to get to know him.

The non-Heeb has panned out to nothing, which means, in a few months, I will be $1 richer and get to say "I told you so" to my friend. Excellent....

No Dates Yet, But.....

2008-10-26T19:12:00.003-04:00

I have had some very interesting conversations with some guys from JDate recently...who knows if any of them will pan out into actual dates, but for now, it's all good.

Contestant #1: A dude I've been actually speaking to online for over a year now (possibly almost two...I don't really remember when we started). When we began speaking back in the day (which was a Wednesday, by the way), he was doing an internship/residency/whatever you do when you become a doctor in Atlanta. Nevertheless, we kept chatting. He seemed nice, and seemed to want to chat, so why not keep up conversation. A few weeks ago, he was online again after not being online in a while, and I IMed him. Turns out, he's back in NY finally, for good, so now we (technically) could meet up. Interesting...except for one issue...I don't remember his name! I'm hoping to avoid the awkwardness by giving him my number and asking him to call me, and then missing his call, and have him leave me a message STATING HIS NAME AT THE BEEP!

Also, with this "no-name guy", we have had nothing but proper conversations since we began speaking...until today. Out of nowhere, he got all dirty with me! It was kind of unnerving at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I was intrigued by him and his new found dirtiness.

Contestant #2: A guy who my roommate went out on two dates with, but I had forgotten that when I IMed him...he was the one who reminded me of the connection. We have been IMing since then, and the conversations lately have been getting more and more intense, and I think I may actually have to bring it up to my roommate that I'd like to go out with him. He interests me, but I don't think he'll end up being anyone long-term or anyone serious. He's very much like Drew in his love of being non-kosher, and isn't religious enough for me. But, if he's good in bed...

Contestant #3: An animator for a cartoon that I've seen once, who I spoke to the other day. He asked me out for dinner, but I had work to do for a class that night, so I gave him my number and told him to call me.

Which he has...three times...and hasn't left a message once.

How do I know it's him? SLYDIAL baby! Best...invention...ever!

The not-leaving-a-message thing is kind of annoying...I haven't been near my phone, or able to answer, when he has called, so it's not like I've been screening my calls. I really wish he'd leave me a message so I can call him back!

Contestant #4 (and by far, the cutest): a guy who, without my friend's help, I might not have ever made contact with. I saw him on JDate, and hotlisted him. He saw me, and instead of IMing me since I was online, he emailed me. I can't read any emails because I don't pay for JDate, so I asked my friend who does pay to email him for me. Now, I know this could have totally backfired on me, and he could have seen her and liked her instead. Thankfully, it didn't. He emailed me, and we have emailed back and forth a bit. He dared me to call him in his last email, and I did...just with slydial's help (I'm a wuss, I know). So, now I'm waiting for him to call me back.

Not-Really-Sure-If-He's-Even-A-Contestant #1: The reason why I'm not sure if he's a contestant is because it's a weird situation he and I are in. Here are the facts:

He and I met at a party that he and his (then) girlfriend came to.
He is in the same field of work that I am in, and we share similar interests regarding that field.
He and I became fast Facebook friends, and then moved our chats to IM.
He had been IMing me quite a bit recently and when I brought up his girlfriend, he told me they broke up (what???).
Ever since that conversation, he has still been IMing me, and has been venting his frustrations about the break up with me.
We have tentative plans to get food and drinks on Tuesday.

I'm a little concerned about Tuesday. I don't know what his intentions are...maybe he just wants to talk...maybe he wants to do something else. My gut is telling me the latter, but my brain (for some reason) wants it to be the first. He's not a Heeb, so there's no relationship that will stem from this. If he wants a fuck buddy, that's fine...he's hot, and I need to get laid. I guess I'll know the deal on Tuesday (especially if other people join us). I need to look hot :)

So, those are the candidates...let's see if any of them make future posts!

A Non-Date Between Former Friends With Benefits

2008-10-19T18:14:00.002-04:00

So, I know this is not a post about a date, or someone that I am dating (or used to date for that matter), but I need to write about it, so here we go:

I used to be "friends" with Ilan years ago. We were introduced through friends, had crazy sexual tension for years, and finally got together about 3 years ago. I told him going into it that I wasn't interested in dating him. He's not Jewish, and I wasn't interested in dating anyone who wasn't a Heeb. I was still dating other people while he and I were "coloring", but I didn't sleep with them while I was sleeping with him.

All was fine until I met this guy who I was actually interested in. I told Ilan about him, and told him that we were done sleeping together.

He flipped out.

He cut me out completely. He apparently was getting more attached than I was, so it was hard for him when I told him that we had to stop.

We didn't talk while I was dating the other guy, but when they guy and I broke it off, Ilan and I met up again for drinks at the bar we usually hung out at.

Alcohol + Us = Sex

So, we were back on...sleeping together, but not being in a relationship. We decided not to tell our friends. They would kill us if they knew we were doing this again after how badly things ended the first time.

Fast forward to the night of the fight to end all fights. I had gone out with a guy (who I ended up dating for 4 months), and I decided that I didn't want to sleep with Ilan anymore. But, I also decided to not tell him about the date until after I was sure I wanted to date this other guy (since the last time I ended things early I ended up in a fight with him AND I ended up only dating the other guy for a few weeks). He, on the other hand, had let our friends know we were back to sleeping together. I found out about this hours before our friend's party. Needless to say, I was pissed, so I kind of ignored him during the party. We ended up getting into a fight in the cab ride home, and I told him about the other guy, and things got nasty.

We didn't speak for almost 5 months.

We kind of made up over the summer, and it was a completely platonic relationship. We hung out over the summer a lot and everything was fine.

And then he met his girlfriend.

I never saw him after they started going out (with the exception of our friend's wedding) until last night.

It was so odd seeing him again. Here are the highlights:
1) He looks great.....grrrrrr....
2) His girlfriend is horrible....I've heard stories from his friends about her, but he was telling me things about her that made me want to punch her in the face.
3) He and I were reminiscing about our past...and I was getting turned on thinking about it.
4) When I told him that our friends were busting my chops about us hanging out again, and I said that I told them that I would never sleep with him while he was dating his girlfriend, I was kind of hoping that he would be annoyed about that and want to sleep with me again.

Either way, it was a fun time. I never realized how much I missed talking to him until last night. I feel so comfortable sometimes around him. I said things to him that I don't think I'd say to anyone. We are very similar in some ways.

It sucks that he has a girlfriend. It sucks that he's not a Jew. It just sucks....

So, I Have A Wacky Idea

2008-10-05T20:31:00.004-04:00

My friend, Neo Steel, has complained that I haven't been posting enough on my blog. I explained that I'm not actively dating, so unless he has someone to set me up with, he can suck it up and deal.

Which gave me an idea...probably not a good one, but we'll see what happens.

I'm throwing myself out there to be set-up by whoever has a guy for me. Now, I do have some criteria (so don't think I'm getting too crazy with this), and if this criteria is not followed to the LAW, I will stop this experiment STAT!

Requirements:
1) The guy must be Jewish. I'm not getting involved with non-Heebs, just to be disappointed in the end.
2) I would like a guy over 5'11". I'm 5'10", and it's annoying trying to date shorter men. I feel like the jolly green giant when I'm around short guys, and I don't think it's something I can get past.
3) I will have to see a picture of the guy, and do a phone interview before I meet them. I won't just meet a guy blindly (especially when it's set up this way...I would never meet a guy off of JDate without screening him over the phone either).
4) If I do meet the guy, it will be in a public place, preferably during the day, where there are LOTS of witnesses. If you are crazy, don't try to stalk me.

If you would like to take up this challenge, please send your friends/relatives/coworker's pics to me (plus their info) at atleastitsafreemeal@gmail.com

Happy Hunting!

Am I Invisible?

2008-10-05T20:13:00.003-04:00

I ask this, because that's how I felt in the LAME experience that was my set up. I'm pretty sure that I can be seen by normal human beings, but the jury is still out on whether douchebags can see me. I had two invisible-feeling situations last night.

1) The actual set up. I got a text from my roommate saying that the guy was there, but that she thought he's really gay.

HUH? GAY? How could she set me up with a GAY guy?

Okay, maybe he's not gay...maybe she's overreacting.

I never got to find out if he's gay or not, because this was the exchange between us.

Him: Hi
Me: Hi
(we shake hands)
(he turns his back on me and goes back to hanging out with his friends)

I swear I'm not making this crap up...this is my life...

What bothers me most is that I find most of my roommate's camp friends to be kind of dickish towards me. I thought originally that it was because I didn't work with them at camp, and therefore, when they were in their "camp mode", they weren't open to meeting new people. But, now that camp is over, you'd think this would change.

But it hasn't.

They, like this guy (who I am SO tempted to reveal who he is because of his shitty behavior), completely ignored by presence. I haven't felt that awkward since high school.

2) There was this group of guys that cut the line to get into the bar (#1 reason why they are douchebags). While I was dancing with my friends (after the first incident, I went back to my friends), I saw this guy pull up his shirt to expose his not-so-sexy stomach. I made a face, and one of the guys in the douchebag group saw me, and came over to talk...at least, I thought he wanted to talk, but he didn't seem to understand anything that I said to him. It confused me so, and when he finally left, I went up to a complete stranger and asked him if I was speaking English and if he could understand me. This (normal) guy was able to understand me perfectly. Apparently I don't speak douchebag.

So, that's it on the set-up front...not sure when the next one is coming, but I'll take it if it does!

Ladies and Gentlemen...

2008-10-02T20:27:00.002-04:00

I have a blind date on Saturday...and I'm so not excited.

Here's why:

1) This blind date was scheduled last week when I didn't feel well, but my roommate insisted that I met this guy ASAP, so we decided to meet at a huge festival going on this weekend that we'd both be at. It's much less stressful for the two of us than meeting at some bar.

2) I'm so not in the mood to date...especially starting this weekend. I have not been dating lately, primarily because my track record has not been that spectacular with the last few people I have seriously dated. I wanted to take time for ME. Now, this is not to say that I would refuse a date with someone, but I'm not terribly enthusiastic about a blind date. If I knew what this guy looks like, I would be possibly more enthusiastic. My roommate refuses to show me a picture of him, or tell me anything about him beyond that he's a heeb, tall and a teacher. He better not be fugly...

3) I have a crazy weekend. I have a class that I'm taking Friday-Sunday (all day Saturday and Sunday, and from 6-9 Friday night...fun!), and am getting a visit from Aunt Flo on Saturday as well...being tired, bloated and crampy is exactly how I want to feel when I meet a potentially cute guy the first time...awesome.

So, with that said, bring on the blind date! I'll post my response to this whole event on Sunday after I get home from my class...

UGH, Go AWAY!!!

2008-08-28T18:43:00.002-04:00

So Dean called me yesterday. I didn't recognize his number right away, but I was on the phone with a friend, and since the number wasn't in my phone, I didn't answer it. He didn't leave a voicemail, so I had to slydial him to find out if it was, in fact, him.

Thank goodness for slydial. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's an ingenious invention which allows the person using it to just call someone's voicemail. Ever wish you didn't have to pray that a person won't pick up when you call them because you just wanted to leave them a message? Well, with this service, you can. And, the best part about it is that it's FREE!

Thank you slydial for making my life easier!

Okay, so back to the problem at hand. Why is he calling me? After 2 months of not contacting me (the last time was a text on my birthday), why now? I'm thinking that if he calls again, I might answer and just ask him why he keeps trying to contact me. What about "go fuck yourself" isn't clear? Why would he think that I just want to be friends? When did I say that during the most recent break-up?

Douchebag...

By The By

2008-07-07T00:27:00.001-04:00

Dean won't go away...

We share a birthday, and it was a few days ago. I'm partying with my friends, and I see (after midnight, and when my birthday officially begins) that I got a text. I thought it was from one of my friends who I had just text messaged a few minutes before.

I was wrong.

It was from Dean. The stupid douchebag felt the need to wish me a happy birthday as soon as it was my birthday! He also put that he knows that I hate him and that even thought I may not believe it, he still considers me a friend.

What the fuck? Why? Why, why, why, why, why would you text me?

GO AWAY!!!

The only thing that comforts me is that he was probably alone and feeling pathetic when he sent that text. It was precisely at 12:01, so you know he was waiting for it to be midnight to send it.

I deleted it.

Hopefully it will be the last text I ever get from him.

I Am Too Good

2008-07-07T00:13:00.002-04:00

I don't mean that in a savvy sort of way. I mean it in a "I love my roommate more than she knows" sort of way. And I mean the sentence before in a completely heterosexual way.

Now that we've gotten that cleared up (right?), I'll tell you why I'm such a good girl.

July 4th was an interesting night. I saw my roommate's ex at a party that I was requested to show up at (or else he would have been at my house at 4am banging on my door), and everything was SUPER TENSE the moment I arrived.

Now, mind you, my 17-year old cousin was with me, so I had to play appropriately.

Okay, back to the story.

So here we are, barely speaking to each other, as usual, and he is FUCKING ME with his stares. Like, he was with some guys across the lawn and I was with some chicks I was hanging out with and I see him looking at me, and the second he catches my stare he looks straight at my crotch and bites his lower lip.

FUCK ME (and I don't mean that in the literal way)! WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE GUYS WHO I CAN'T FUCK WANTING TO FUCK ME?????

I love my roommate.

He and I finally sit next to each other, and when he asks me if he can come over/have sex/blah blah blah me again, I tell him that my roommate/his ex has put the kibosh on us ever sleeping together again.

"She did what?!?!?!" he exclaimed.

Now, he has been trying to get her to let us sleep together again since we slept together, but refused to give either of us each other's phone numbers.

So we exchanged that night.

Let the dirty texts commence!

All...night...long...

The best part was that I got to reject him over and over and over again, and it was awesome. On the bad side, some of the stuff he was saying sounded quite interesting, and made me extremely annoyed that he is my roommate's ex as well as, well, who he is.

Let's face it...he's a whore. Always was, always will be...it's who he is. If he wasn't, I don't think I would find this as amusing.

It really is a shame that I can't just use and abuse him. I mean, I can abuse, but really, that can only go so far before one of us says "that's it" or we do something worse, which will hurt my roommate.

And I love her more than the idea of having fun with him, so that's not an option.

Okay Cupid/Fate/Whomever is up there determining who I will get involved with! Send me someone I can actually be with, instead of just tormenting me! The game is fun...I just know it will get old eventually.

I'm Lame

2008-06-22T11:53:00.002-04:00

But I'm okay with that.

I blew off the Israeli. I feigned illness and instead went out with one of my friends for sushi and drinks.

And it was so much better than shlepping into the city after a long week.

For those who are wondering why exactly I blew him off, here are my reasons:

#1: I didn't feel like getting dressed up and going into the city for a night of drinking and dancing with a guy I barely know, and had no major motivation for seeing.

#2: I didn't want to possibly be put in a situation where he would want to get physical. Let's face it, the night of the Matzo Ball I was just flirting, with no real intention of doing anything. If he actually thought that Friday would end with something sexual, he would be wrong, and I didn't want to find out if that was going to happen.

#3: I'm essentially lazy now when it comes to going out with guys, especially on a Friday night after work. You either come to me for stuff or I don't go out at all (at least not with a guy I'd date). Hanging out with my friends, who love me no matter what, is MUCH more appealing.

So, sushi and drinks with my friend was the M.O. for Friday night. Saturday I went to the beach with friends (again, no stress)...this is what my summer needs to be like!

Deja Vu Sucks

2008-06-19T18:26:00.002-04:00

I always do this...

I set up something with a guy I don't really know, and right before it happens, I start not wanting to go. Usually, the date/hanging out/whatever you want to call it goes smashingly well.

The Israeli and I haven't really spoken until tonight. We texted a few times, just to confirm days to hang out, but haven't really talked. I was beginning to think that Friday wasn't going to actually happen, and even made back-up plans with my gay boyfriend who I haven't seen in six months (and, honestly, would rather hang out with on a Friday night when I'm tired than the Israeli).

But then he called...and we have plans.

I should be excited, right? I'm feeling quite non-energetic. It's been a long week work-wise, and I'm exhausted. I'm not feeling well as I type this, so maybe that's why I'm feeling so unexcited about tomorrow.

Right?

We'll see how tomorrow goes...worse comes to worse, I feign sickness and head home (or bail on him wherever we go). After all, I will never see him again, right?

A (Possible) Blast From The Past

2008-06-15T13:12:00.002-04:00

Okay, so back in December I went to the Matzo Ball with my girlfriends in search of a Jewish guy. Of course I found the only non-Jew in the crowd, saw a couple of guys from JDate, ran into friends of my ex (Michael), and met a guy from Israel who ended up hanging out with me and my girlfriends all night.

This Israeli and I immediately hit it off. Another girl in the group was majorly hitting on him, and as a respectful female I didn't fight her for him. After all, he was just going back to Israel a few days later, and I wasn't really in the mood that night to hook up with anyone. I just wanted to dance and have a good time.

Towards the end of the night, the other girl left, and he and I were kind of alone to chat and whatnot. We ended up sharing a cab to Penn, and because I had broken my cell phone a few days before, he had to give his email to my friend.

We emailed a few times, but I haven't heard from him since...

Until Friday night.

Facebook is a wonderful site.

I check my email on Friday and it says "Random Israeli has added you as a friend on Facebook."

WHAT?

So, I go and add him as a friend, and then write on his wall, "Well, well, well...look who it is".

And the next day I get this email:

"Hey,
How are you??
We had a great time in Christmas so I could not be in the city again, with out finding you
Ill be around till the end of next week so we can maybe set something up (I would have called… but I don’t have your number)."
HOLY CRAP...

So, let me get this straight...this guy remembered me enough to find me on Facebook when he was in NY again 6 months later?

Who is feeling kind of flattered? THIS GIRL!

So, I emailed him back with my phone number, and the days I'd be able to hang out. He texted me later with his number and said he'd be here until Saturday and that's he'd call me later.

I guess we will see if this "getting together" ever happens!

Huh? What? Who?

2008-06-08T20:53:00.002-04:00

Back in December (12/19 to be exact) I wrote a post about having fun messing with a guy's head who I would never sleep with...

How do these things happen?

Okay, so let me explain. This man in question is someone that under normal circumstances would never fool around with because he dated one of my friends. And, even though the sexual tension at times is intense, it's "sisters before misters" when it comes down to it.

Until she decides to hook up with one of his friends...while they all are at my place...um, yeah.

Now, if you had asked me or this guy at, let's say, 3:00pm if we would have ended up having sex with each other 12 hours later, we both would have laughed. The idea seemed ridiculous to the two of us initially, but due to some wine/beer, a semi-short game of Truth or Dare (because we are back in seventh grade apparently), and the other two members of our small group hooking up, we were left alone, and we both were horny.

So we kissed.

It was okay...not terrible, not fabulous, but nice and after a while he kind of got the hint that I liked to be kissed a certain way. There was no crazy passion, but it was okay.

Then we moved to the bedroom. The other two did, so why not us, right?

Shirts came off...pants followed. He went down on me and even though I really wanted to be able to orgasm from that, he was just too fast with his tongue, and I couldn't enjoy it. I faked just so he would stop.

At one point I must have made a face that he noticed because he said to be, "What's that face for?" I replied, "It just occurred to me that I am just another notch in your belt. I know the way you talk about women, and I'm becoming one of those women that you just fuck and talk about to your boys."

AWKWARD!

The awkwardness passed after we both realized that we didn't care really about what happened after this encounter, that if the other two were getting their jollies why couldn't we, and we continued.

Good points: 1) he cums easily...not too fast and not too slow...plus, he moans which was such a turn-on; 2) he is attracted to vaginas...he loves them (as well as breasts) and is willing to pay attention to them at all times; 3) the sex was good, and I came through that a bunch of times.

Not-so-good points: 1) his fingering sucks; 2)he snores; 3) there was absolutely NO passion, nor the feeling that I would want to sleep with him again.

The next morning he left early (thank goodness) and I haven't heard from him (not that I expect to since we don't have each other's numbers).

I'm glad that I had sex (even if it was with this guy). I needed to separate my last encounter with Dean from whomever I date next. This guy was the perfect person to be that separator. It's completely meaningless and felt (physically) good.

I'm also glad that after all the tension that it was okay. I didn't think it would be mind-blowing, and to be honest if it was I'd be disappointed that I wouldn't be able to have it again.

Now I'm ready for my summer of semi-celibacy :)

How To Lose A Potential Friend In 10 Sentences (or less)

2008-06-03T18:14:00.004-04:00

So, Dean text messaged me yesterday. A whole week without any calls or texts (he can't contact me any other way at this point), and for some reason the dumbass decides to text me.

He said that he knows that I don't get him or the way he thinks, and that he knows that I don't want to hear from him, but that he didn't want things to end the way they did. He wanted to be friends but (now get this) I handled the situation the wrong way. He then added that he will always consider me a friend if I ever want to have him as one.

(did you notice how he blamed me when he was telling me that he wanted to be my friend?)

Um, yeah...I'm good.

Why would I want to be friends with a condescending, self-centered, can't-take-responsibility-when-he's-wrong, immature asshole? I'm already friends with someone like that, but I'm only friends with him because we share some mutual friends, and it would be awkward if I wasn't cordial to him.

Needless to say, I'm ignoring him. Hopefully, he will take the hint and leave me alone. He supposedly knows that I don't want him to contact me, but that didn't stop him from sending me that initial text.

I have decided that I need to take a break from dating (at least active dating). I don't want to go back onto JDate or Match. I really want to enjoy my summer, have some alone time, and focus on me.

Not to say that I wouldn't accept a date if it was offered to me...I'm just not on the prowl like I was when I first started this blog. I need a break.

(pray for no more texts)

How Many Fights Does It Take To Make Me End A Relationship?

2008-05-28T20:08:00.002-04:00

3 (well, technically 4)...within a 3-week period...especially when I realized that this relationship was doomed from the taking back.

Let's start at the beginning:

Week #1: We make plans to hang out on a Friday night. At 10. After a long-ass day of work. And then we were getting up at 8am to go to the Aquarium with his parents.

He calls me at 8 that night to tell me that he's going to have to meet me at 11 instead (great) because the thing he was working on with his best friend was running longer than expected.

Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled. He sensed this, and later, when he called me to ask where I was, preceded to get annoyed that I was a tad annoyed. A TAD being the key word here.

The trip to the Aquarium was nice (at least I thought). Little did I know that he was holding a grudge about me being annoyed from the night before. I got the cold shoulder the entire time there (his parents are nice...it's a shame that they will never be my in-laws), and after the trip I went home.

Weirdness ensues...

Week #2: Finally, we have planned to hang out alone on Saturday after my in-service class. I get a text mid-class saying that he got a call from his brother telling him that he had to go to his sister-in-law's grandfather's birthday dinner. Now, a normal boyfriend would automatically ask me if I wanted to go (and not give me an option of staying home), but instead it took a very long time for me to coax that offer out of him. I told him that I couldn't really discuss it, and that I would call him when I got out of the class.

I called him on the way home, and he informs me that he already told his brother that I wasn't coming.

Huh? When did I say that?

We then entered into a huge fight that eventually ended with us grumbling that I would go (why the fuck would he tell his brother I wasn't coming???) and that we were both pissed at each other. I went to the dinner, and, even after apologizing for not understanding why it was important for him to be there, he still treated me like I wasn't there once we got back to his place.

Let us now enter into Awkwardland...

Week #3: After a very long phone conversation the following Tuesday about what was bothering both of us (in which he brought up the whole keeping kosher thing AGAIN, even though it was supposedly not an issue anymore), I felt like this was going to be the end of us. My party that I had came and went (all with no physical contact from him, during and after the party), and Sunday rolled around (aka the day before the death of our relationship).

I texted him to find out what time his friend's BBQ was on Monday. He had told me about it the weekend before, but I never gave him a response as to whether or not I was going. He texted me back, "I don't know, why?" I responded that I wanted to plan out my day.

This is the response I got: Why does it matter. You're not coming.

WHEN THE FUCK DID I SAY THAT????

We then got into (over the phone) a screaming match that lasted a while. My friend was over, and it was nice to have a person present to see what I had been dealing with for the past 2 weeks. Nothing was resolved by the time I hung up on him, and when he texted me an hour later with a lame quasi-apology, there was still no invitation to the BBQ.

Why doesn't my boyfriend want me at these things with his friends? Does he not get that when you are in a relationship with someone, the other person shouldn't have to RSVP for things and that it is just assumed that they will be there (unless they say otherwise)?

The next day I decided that I really needed to talk. He decided to stay at his friend's BBQ instead of coming out to me (wrong move #1), and when he called me, he immediately went off on me as soon as I told him how upset I was (wrong move #2). After me saying something he found offensive ("Did I stutter?"), he hung up (wrong move #3). He called me back (I ignored him) and after checking the voicemail, I called him back. The conversation this time wasn't much different. He went off the minute I said anything that contradicted his point of view, and I got so frustrated with him, that I hung up after saying, "Go fuck yourself".

I have blocked him. MySpace, Facebook, IM...everything I can possibly do to prevent him from harassing me, I have done. I am so done with him. I can't be with someone who is so close-minded, so irrational, and so immature that they fight the way I did when I was 15. The difference here is that I don't fight the way I did when I was 15. I grew up, and know when to check what's going through my brain, and prevent it from coming out of my mouth.

So, while he was the most passionate boyfriend I have had, he was also a dick. I rather be alone and happy than miserable with him.

Side note: the day after we broke up, I received the invitation to the surprise party I was helping his mom plan. I had to RSVP (which I did, thankfully to voicemail), but he'll never know that I told his mom about the breakup (possibly before he did) because she can't tell him she spoke to me. Thank you surprise parties!!!

A Change

2008-05-18T16:36:00.002-04:00

I think we have hit a roadblock. I don't know what it is exactly, but it's there, and I don't like it.

For someone who was all "I miss you so much" when we broke up, he's not seeming that way now, and I am growing sick and tired of it.

Part of me is staying because I'm hoping it's a rut that he's in, and that once whatever is bugging him passes it will go back to how awesome it was in the beginning.

The other part is staying because I want Rockband...this would be the evil, horrible, cruel part of me.

I have hope that he will go back to how he used to be, especially because I really liked him, and could see myself living with that person for the rest of my life. This funk-getting-into person that I am dating now is not someone I can see myself with forever.

I need to reflect a bit...

The Intensity Continues

2008-05-04T21:22:00.002-04:00

It's kind of a blessing in disguise when someone screws up in a relationship.

Ever since Dean and I got back together things have been great. Hanging out again has no stress attached to it, primarily because I realized that he likes me for me (not because I look like Leonardo, or the guy who played in Fargo, I think his name was Steve...tee hee, I had to). We are having fun, and I'm not freaking out or getting annoyed by things that I used to get annoyed at because they no longer exist.

Also, the sex is super intense and amazing.

I like sex as much as the next girl, but honestly I could live without it if I had to. However, with Dean the sex is so intense, and we have such a connection, that I would be speechless and lost for a long time if I couldn't experience it with him anymore.

I also think I am falling in love with him.

I think he is also falling in love with me, but neither of us has actually said it to each other. I think this because he made me a mix CD and 99% of the songs had to do with love/being in love/falling for someone/etc.

He's meeting my mother on Wednesday. We'll see how that goes, and what happens after that.

The Best Laid Plans Go To Waste (no pun intended)

2008-04-28T18:06:00.004-04:00

So much for not having sex...

Honestly, I have to agree with my best friend who said, "why put a time limit on when you will sleep with him again". I get the whole "I only have power over the situation if I withhold sex", but I also would be punishing myself if I did that. I also felt that he had done his penance, and I hate watching someone apologize over and over again.

I've been through enough with him making me feel like crap, don't you think?

So, after some heavy-duty making out, we had sex.

And it was great.

I love that he gets pleasure from seeing me be pleasured. I love how he makes me wet by just looking at him. I love when he grabs my hair and pulls me towards him while kissing me. I know this will sound odd (at least for the people who know me), but he makes me feel like a wanton sex goddess.

And, as we know, the goddess has all the power

There's No Sex In The Champagne Room

2008-04-26T12:09:00.002-04:00

Dean and I had date number two (in the "let's get back in my good graces" series of dates). We went to the movies and the sat on the beach for a bit before coming back to my place.

Problem number one: my roommate was at her boyfriend's that night, and would not be coming home.

Problem number two: I really, really, really want to stick to my plan of having him wait, but at the same time I HAVE NEEDS!!!

Thankfully, he has to get up early to pick up his car from the shop, so he decides to go home (phew!). We kiss for a bit, cuddle for a bit, and then I walk him out.

He's coming over tonight to watch a movie (the one he left here). He is planning on staying over, because we are hanging out on Sunday (and breaking Passover) together. At this point I really just want to have him physically there, and talk and hold each other, not necessarily have sex.

That's what vibrators are for...

The Second/First Date

2008-04-24T23:41:00.004-04:00

Today was the "I'm sorry I was such an idiot, please take me back" date with Dean. I was nervous, to say the least. Would I be able to hold my ground? Would I succumb to his "charms"?

I wanted to puke.

My doorbell rings. Okay girl, it's now or never.

He's wearing a "Nice Jewish Boy" shirt. Awesome.

He looks good. He smells good too when we hug (eventually...we left right away to go to the beach).

We lay on the beach on the blanket he brought, just laying there bullshitting like normal.

Finally, out come the magic words: "I'm sorry I acted like such a jerk". We can now have the conversation that I didn't know how to start. I pressed the issue at hand, asking him if he really knew what he was getting himself into. He insisted that he is okay with everything; that raising his kids Jewish is important to him.

Okay...so far so good...

We spent the rest of the day having fun: we went bike riding after laying on the beach, ate lunch by me...all in all a nice day.

I was SO GOOD about standing my ground. I didn't do anything sexual with him, and only gave him a little peck on the lips.

I'm a tad worried that I won't be able to hold my ground for a whole month...I'm so freaking turned on just thinking about him, and how good he looked in his Heeby tee...thank goodness there are other options when I'm alone to get rid of these issues.

But tomorrow night we will be seeing each other again (seeing a movie in the theater...no room for fooling around too much there). My roommate will be with her boyfriend until Saturday, so as long as Dean doesn't come back to my place, I'm good.

He knows I want to take it slow, but I feel like this will be a struggle...

Late-night thoughts

2008-04-23T23:09:00.002-04:00

Well, it's the night before the do-over date...I'm nervous. I'm not nervous about what is going to happen...I figure I can talk to anyone, so once I see him the nerves will go away.

I'm more nervous about my ability to stick to my rules.

He seems genuine from what he has said from our IMs/texts/phone calls. He seems like he really has been missing me.

My problem is: I haven't been missing him because I have learned how to cut people out emotionally since my parents decided to get a divorce. I don't like getting hurt, and I tend to cut those out immediately who do hurt me.

This is why I am nervous.

What happens if I do fall for him (again) and he pulls some other crap similar to what he pulled last week? Will I be able to wait and forgive? Will I push him away for good?

It drives me nuts how this game of love has so many variables. It kind of makes celibacy look good at times. You can't get frustrated or hurt if there is no one there to hurt you.

But, I guess that goes along with any relationship you have with a person. The only difference with a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is that you may (or may not) become sexually active with the person. And, unfortunately, with that goes more emotions that you might not invest in someone you are just good friends (or hetero-lifemates) with.

I feel like sometimes it would be easier to just say "fuck it", ask my roommate to live with me forever, get a house with her, and have lovers on and off for the rest of my life. There would be no responsibilities: no kids, no pressure to get married, no broken hearts...it almost sounds good right now.

But, I do hope for more. I do hope to break out of this cycle of leaving when things get rough, of writing people off at the first chance I get when things get uncomfortable, of being insecure when I'm in a happy relationship. I am learning to speak up when I'm not happy with something. That's a step in the right direction.

Hopefully my footprints in the sand tomorrow will lead somewhere positive...

Second Chances (aka I'm Being A Bigger Person)

2008-04-23T13:23:00.003-04:00

Read and enjoy:
Dean: hi

well you're not talking to me but i wanted to say that i miss you and I was wrong and you were right but i know you don't want me and i am sorry

I messed up a good thing

cause I am sub

stub

me: what?

4:31 PM stubborn?

Dean: yes

not willing to try something

set in my ways

and i am sorry for that

me: i know what you mean

Dean: and i am sorry i hurt you

me: ok

4:32 PM Dean: did you find some one else already

me: it's been a week

so no

Dean: lol you sexy and hot

and really nice

me: yeah, that might be, but i'm not really in the mood to go out and date, you know?

4:33 PM Dean: well i would like to take you out on a date if you would want to ?

maybe a beach date tomorrow

4:34 PM i'm a dumb ass for letting you go just cause of what you eat

a fool

my head was all fucked up and now that i have had time to see out of the box I know you were right and i was wrong

4:35 PM u there?

me: but do you understand that it goes beyond what I eat?

Dean: yes

4:36 PM me: like, there's the whole keeping a jewish house, and having traditions that I have been raised with

and would like to continue

Dean: I am a jew and my kids should know what that is too

yes i do

and i want to know them

me: ok

Dean: and you never know maybe i will like them or maybe not but i want to be with you

4:37 PM me: ok

thursday would be better

mara and i have a date tomorrow

Dean: tell her i said hi

i will be free for you

4:38 PM me: ok

Dean: i know i will have to make things up to you but i will try my best

me: ok

Dean: I like you way to much to let you go

me: ok

Dean: and i am sorry it took time away from you to see that when i know it all along

me: i need to take it slow

4:39 PM Dean: thats cool

if you just want to start off as friends I can do that

me: we'll see how thursday goes

Dean: what ever you need hun

me: and go from there

Dean: ok

me: i actually have to get going to my mom's for dinner

i'll talk to you later

4:40 PM Dean: but if your going to slap me make it the right side of my face the left hurts already

me: why?

Dean: ok have fun with you mom

well it's funny

4:41 PM i was dreaming of you last night and it was a really good dream but then fall of the bed and on my face not so good

me: lol

Dean: yes i thought so to

4:42 PM cut my arm too

me: ouch

Dean: but it;'s like not even there now

just a bit of a scab

me: klutz

Dean: you know we r

me: anywho, gotta run

4:43 PM Dean: any way i know you have to go and thank you for giving a fool another try even if it's one date it's a start

bye hun

So, Dean and I have a "date" on Thursday. I have already decided a few things about how this will go:

1) NO SEX: for at least a few weeks-months. I have electronic devices to get me through that.
2) No kissing on the first date. Fuck that shit. I'm running this game now, and he will have to wait if he's going to get back in good with me.
3) He will have to prove himself worthy of me. I'm not getting back into a relationship right away with him. He will have to show me that he, indeed, has changed, and that he's not just spouting off at the mouth about this stuff.

Michael, my ex who originated this blog, told me that I am making big steps by accepting someone back, instead of writing them off. I know that we are not out of the woods yet, and that this might not be our only disagreement, but I want to take things slow, figure things out, and then decide what to do. No more rushing forward with things.

Slow and steady wins the race, right?

So, with that said, I guess my blog is up and running (again). I have decided that no matter what happens (good or bad), I will be chronicling it. I hate backlogging, so it will be out there for whomever wants to read it.

ENJOY!

Why?

2008-04-21T14:46:00.003-04:00

I believe when you break up with someone, usually there is a period of time in which you do not contact the other person in any way, shape or form. The reason for this "mourning" period, if you will, is so each person involved in the break-up can heal from the loss of the relationship.

I asked Dean for this when we first broke up. I explained to him, after he IMed me a mere 3 hours after the break-up, that if he wanted to be friends with me that I needed my time. I needed to get over the fact that what we had was not going to be anything permanent, and that being apart was, in fact, the best thing for both of us. He said that he understood, and (supposedly) gave me my space.

For a whole 4 days.

Yesterday, being the first day/second night of Passover, I received a text from him wishing me a happy Passover. Kind of ironic, I thought, coming from the person who shunned Judaism more than anyone I have ever met, but okay. I responded with a polite, "thanks, you too".

I thought that was the end of texts from him for a while.

I was wrong.

This morning, after waking up still feeling crappy from the allergy attack I had yesterday, I turned on my phone and hear 3 alerts that meant I had 3 text messages. "Who could possibly text me this much before noon", I thought as I went to check my phone.

This is what I found:
"just want to say hi and that i been thinking about u and what i did and maybe i was a dick about it. I miss u and i fucked up everything and I am sorry. I wish u luck. And i know i can't have u back but i hope some one can make u happy"

WHAT???

Let's pick apart what bothers me about this text (besides the fact that it was sent)

1) i been thinking about you: okay, that's great and all, but didn't YOU decide to end this?
2) I fucked up everything: great, at least you admit it
3) I miss you: you don't miss me...you miss the idea of me. You don't miss the Jewish me, the person who loves traditions made by her family, and looks forward to times when she will partake in them with her family.
4) I know I can't have you back: this line irks me the most. Do you want me back? Why would you write this????

Now I sit here, totally clueless as to what the right thing is to do. Do I text him back something like, "I need space, stop texting me", or do I ignore him? Do I de-friend him on MySpace and Facebook to make a point? My friends' suggestions range anywhere from "don't text him back" to "text him back and tell him you need space".

I love having no clue what to do. It's awesome...

A Long Story Made Short (and an epiphany to boot)

2008-04-19T11:24:00.002-04:00

Dean and I broke up.

After 2 1/2 months of dating, he randomly brought up the fact that I keep kosher inside my house and don't eat shellfish/unkosher meat outside, and how it was an issue for him. I, stupidly/brilliantly pressed as to why it was an issue, and we got into a mini-fight on Monday night.

We decide to set up time to "talk face-to-face" the next day. I already know that this isn't going to end well...

The next day (I swear he is somewhat split-personality), he calls me like nothing is wrong....tells me that he doesn't know what he's getting me for my birthday (he's getting me something for my birthday in 2 months???). Everything is normal. We meet at my place and go into my bedroom to lay down a bit.

We're cuddling...okay...maybe this isn't going to end the way I think it's going to end...

I start the discussion. We debate back and forth as to why it is an issue (I still am clueless as to why it's a big deal at this point in our relationship).

Then it finally happens. He tells me the REAL reason for his concern: he wants nothing to do with Judaism in his house. NOTHING. No traditions, no keeping kosher, no holidays, no raising his kids with a Jewish education...NOTHING.

WHAT?????

WHY DO YOU GO ON A JEWISH DATING WEBSITE TO FIND A GIRL WHEN YOU DON'T WANT A GIRL WHO IS JEWISH????

"OMG, get the fuck out of my house", I'm thinking. I don't say this, but I think it. We sit in silence for a bit...he tries to guilt me into thinking that he's all wonderful for doing "the right thing". Give me a freaking break.

He finally leaves. He tells me he'll speak to me tomorrow (why?). I go and check my email, chat with some friends, etc.

He IMs me later, asking me how I'm feeling...what the hell? Why is he contacting me so soon??? Is he retarded?

He gets upset when I tell him that I don't want to speak to him anytime soon. I tell him that if we want to be friends ever to just leave me alone, and I need space.

He actually does.

The next day I go riding my bike on the boardwalk. I take a break and watch the ocean for a bit and realize that I am completely blowing everything in my life way out of proportion. Why am I getting so annoyed at these things happening to me when, in retrospect, my issues are minor and tiny compared to other issues in the world.

I also have an epiphany: I'm not sure if I ever want to get married or have children.

This shocks a few of my friends, probably killed my mother inside a bit, but in the end makes me feel a hell of a lot better.

My best friend isn't shocked by the latter statement about having children. She is happy that I have come to this conclusion.

So, with that, dear readers (if there are any beyond my friends), I'm taking another break from this blog. I need time to figure out who I am and what I want. I'm not pursuing anyone dating-wise. If someone comes along I may give them a chance, but I need time for me. I haven't done this ever. I have never just taken time to not date. I need to finish up my work, focus on the summer, focus on me and not stress about meeting someone who I will marry.

I need to be content with me before I do that.

Non-published post #4 (aka What the Fuck Was I Thinking?)

2008-03-25T17:37:00.003-04:00

My roommate is insane. To be fair, she and I are polar opposites. She's a girly girl; likes to be pampered, barely leaves the house without any makeup on, freaks out at all shoes/clothes that I purchase, and comments often that "beauty is pain" and that I should just suck it up and get the shoes that hurt like hell, but look pretty. I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, and I believe that a guy should like me for me, quirks and all.

With that said, when I tell her that I am officially spending a night at the boy's apartment she drags me to Victoria's Secret to buy a "special outfit" for my "first official sleepover". What follows is an excruciating hour of her throwing things at me to try on and me wincing as I do. I'm not a skinny girl by any means, so trying on lingerie is not one of my favorite things to do. I finally ended up buying a ton of underwear and a hot pink tank top with a shelf bra. A nice compromise if you ask me. I looked cute and she was happy.

I spent the night at his place (we attempted to watch a movie, but I don't think we are at that stage of our relationship yet where we can actually watch a complete movie without making out), and the next day we went shopping. I needed to get a new car and he needed stuff for his apartment.

What...the...fuck...was...I...thinking????

There are people who are MARRIED who would never do both car and IKEA shopping in the same day. They don't because they know that after doing these things they will want to kill each other. And, since they love each other, they don't want to do that, so they opt to do these things either separately (meaning not with each other) or one place at a time.

We did not make this decision.

It was horrible. I actually had thoughts of breaking up with him after this day. It was the worst day ever.

Although, I did meet his friends. They are funny, but I was in too much of a "I hate him" haze that I think I came off a tad bitchy.

I came home and my roommate and her friend asked how my day was. As I slammed my bags down and growled, they both had looks of horror.

Yeah...wtf?

Non-published post #3

2008-03-25T15:36:00.004-04:00

So, after SWEARING up and down, and left and right that we were going to WAIT to have sex...

(we had sex)

So, it all started with a PS2...he brought his extra PS2 over to my place because "he was going to be spending a lot of time at my place" at that justified giving me something worth over $100 after only 2 dates. After a few rounds of American Idol and Singstar, we ended up moving into the bedroom...and ended up having a crazy make-out session again. We decided to take a break and go to get some food (sushi again...what a shocker), and when we got back to my place we went at it again.

A lot.

So much, in fact, that before I knew it, we were having sex. And it was great.

To be brutally honest, there is something about this guy that makes my body do things I wasn't aware it could do. Like, get wet from a kiss. A mere kiss makes me feel like I need to change my underwear! Or that I become a freaking uber-sexual individual (which I never felt I was) in the bedroom. I want to fuck for hours! HOURS! I was never that way, even when the sex was great, eventually I would dry out or lose interest. This does not seem to be the case with this one. I wonder why...

He also spent the night. Interesting how I can't sleep next to anyone still. It totally blows, especially because I like the idea of spending the night with someone, but I just can't sleep for shit.

Second (non-published) post

2008-03-25T15:32:00.003-04:00

Date numero dos was at "our" sushi place. We had been discussing types of food we like, and sushi came up. He told me about his sushi place and after a while I said, "That's my sushi place". Weird...

Who knew that sushi+going to Best Buy to bum around=totally awesome date? Not me, but it was amazing and awesome.

As per the advice of one of my coworkers I did not have him come in. We made out in the car a bit (sooooo awesome), and then I went upstairs. I could really fall for this guy...

To My Readers

2008-02-04T17:09:00.000-05:00

THIS BLOG IS ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. I AM SEEING GUY WHO ACTUALLY HAS POTENTIAL!

A Post That Hopefully Will Never Be Published...

2008-02-04T17:07:00.001-05:00

I am smitten.

Smitten...as in "I actually like a guy for real" instead of just going out because I believe you should give everyone a chance.

I write this post as a way of expressing myself in a way that can collect my memories now, when they are fresh in my head, as opposed to trying to recall them whenever I need to post this (if I need to post this).

So, Dean...we met on JDate (what a shocker) when I wasn't feeling well, but was bored, and decided to check on my profile, to see if anyone had looked at my profile. I honestly don't remember how I looked at his profile, but it said I had IMed him before and he had flirted with me before. I didn't recall ever speaking to him (or getting a flirt from him) so I was about to IM him when the IM notification rang and he was IMing me!

WHAT?

Okay, so I accepted the IM, and we began talking. He's tall (6'2"), cute (blond hair and blue eyes), works with autistic kids, is growing his hair for Locks of Love, is a Mets fan, and has an impressive collection of video game systems. I jokingly tell him that I will have to marry him based on the last two items I listed about him. We seem to have a connection with our senses of humor. We exchange numbers and talk on Friday. He was a welcome distraction from the cabin fever setting in from being home sick for 2 days in a row.

We set a date for Saturday (after I finally go to the doctor and get some advice and medication). We go to a kosher deli so I can eat soup (since that is all I had been eating lately), and then off to a nearby bookstore (you can tell a lot about a person by what they read). We then get into the car to figure out what to do. He and I are already at the kissing stage....I don't know what came over me, but I had to kiss him (and I did). So, we kissed for a bit (he accidentally threw the car in gear and it rolled back into another car...ooops!) and then headed off to Dave and Busters for some game play. I kicked his ass at skee ball and he kicked mine at air hockey. I somehow won a gazillion tickets from those stupid no-skill ticket giver games. We bought stupid, kitchy stuff at the gift shop. I had a ball.

Then, the best part of the night. We were driving back to my place and he said to me, "Have you ever felt like you've known someone for longer than you have?" and I responded yes, and he said to me that he felt that way with me. I agreed. This whole weird connection we seem to have is something we are both aware of.

We go back to my place. We chill for a bit, I show him the tour, we kiss every now and then. We sit on the couch. We then proceed to MAUL EACH OTHER like a bunch of freaking animals.

It was GREAT!

Biting, minor hair pulling, rough making out...my favorite kind. All I kept thinking was "OH MY G-D, I FOUND A HEEB WHO LIKES IT ROUGH!!!!"

We took many breaks (mainly to stop before we had sex) and became MySpace friends (ah, MySpace), chatted a bit with my roommate, just talked...went back and forth between mauling and chatting.

It was awesome.

On, a side note, today he told me that he has officially told chicks on JDate "thanks, but no thanks...I'm not on the market"

JIGGA WHAT???

Yeah...more to write (and not publish) later!

Just To Clear Things Up...

2008-01-28T12:33:00.001-05:00

For my readers who might be confused....Mitch is the guy I went out with in the "A Nice Surprise" post. Just wanted to make things clear!

Can I Date a Guy 3 Inches Shorter?

2008-01-25T22:27:00.001-05:00

Before I met Jack, I would have said no. But, surprisingly enough, I am now considering it after our date Thursday night.

I knew he was shorter than me before the date. I kind of figured that I'd give him a chance since we had been talking online for a while now, and he did ask me out, but I didn't want to commit to a weekend day, so I decided on Thursday for the date.

Boy was that a mistake!

We met for sushi by me (sooooo good). We shared most of the meal, yet remained independent with various parts of it. What came as a shock to both of us was the lack of sushi coma by the end of the meal. After chilling for a bit after the meal we decided to head out, but with no indication of where. After driving around for a bit, we headed back to my place.

Usually this would not happen, but neither of us wanted to drink, and all the coffee places were closed, so I gave up with my lack of ideas on how to hang out, and suggested my place.

Then I stated that I would be kicking him out when I was tired.

Which I eventually did.

And nothing happened! We came back here, talked for a bit (he insulted my wine pairing book, we showed each other the porn on our phone, we Googled ourselves...you know, the usual first date stuff), and then at 11:30 sharp I kicked his ass out :-)

We had an awkward kiss, what first date kiss isn't a tad awkward? I walked him out and bid him goodbye.

Today I did something totally unconventional (for me)...I texted him that I enjoyed last night and (shocking!) he texted me back! I also got an IM (but I was in the other room and missed him). Perhaps there will be a second date??? Fingers are crossed!

Celebrating Civil Rights, One Date At A Time

2008-01-25T22:09:00.001-05:00

Monday was MLK Day, and I had date number two with Mitch, and while it was fun, there was some awkwardness.

Let me explain:

He came to me since it was cold as hell and neither of us really wanted to go out anywhere. He brought over "something that I would truly love" as well as a movie that he wasn't sure if I'd like, but he was going to bring it anyway. He brought over the best video ever: the highlights of the Mets 1986 Season.

HELL YEAH!

The weird thing though, being a second date and all, you'd think I'd be less interested in the video and more interested on making out with him. But I wasn't. I really wanted to watch the video, and possibly the movie as well.

It is a little weird having thoughts of doing other things while making out with someone. The whole session was awkward. I don't know why. Perhaps I'm just nervous from being out of practice (although this hasn't happened before), or just nervous about him, but it was weird.

When we spoke after that night, he expressed how he really likes me and that no matter what happens (it is early you know) that he has already decided that we must be best friends (I totally agree). He may just be one of the funniest guys I have met lately, so I am totally down for being friends with him.

We'll see what happens...

Ladies and Gentlemen....

2008-01-14T21:11:00.000-05:00

WE HAVE A SECOND DATE!!!! Details of the second date to follow in an upcoming post!

A Nice Surprise

2008-01-13T20:38:00.000-05:00

Saturday I had a date with yet another guy from JDate. We had spoken on the phone a few times (all good conversations) and emailed as well (also awesome and funny), but for some reason, on the way there I was dreading the date. I was expecting him to be just like most of the other guys I've met from JDate...nice online but a complete dumbass/jerk/sketch/awkward guy in person.

We meet at my favorite bar (Oh, EG how I heart you so), so even if the date sucks I know I will have good drinks, and he actually doesn't look like his picture. He looks better. Hmmmm, this could be a start....

He's funny. Like, really funny. So funny that I totally don't realize that the time is flying by ( we ended up being there for about 6 hours). He knows tons of movie references (and is equally impressed when I know them as well). He is well spoken, has an interesting sense of humor, and seems to be (gasp!) fairly normal.

The best part of the night: We were talking about the boundaries people set up for a first date about what they will or won't do with a person, and I was saying that I could kiss him but then if he didn't call me for a second date that I'd be annoyed, but if we didn't kiss and he did or didn't call me it would be no harm no foul. So, maybe 10 minutes later, he picks up his phone and says, "I'm so sorry, but will you excuse me while I...this is really important". I think he's checking his voicemail, when I hear "Hey Maggie, it's Ethan...I just wanted to ask you out on another date, but you are apparently busy, which is why you aren't picking up your phone, so just give me a call when you get this. I had a lot of fun tonight, and I hope you got home safe. Okay, talk to you soon."

Needless to say, we did kiss. And there will be a second date (not sure when, but it will happen).

Who Knew The LIRR Was The New Place To Meet Guys?

2008-01-13T20:30:00.001-05:00

So, I met a guy on the train coming back from the Matzo Ball in the city on Christmas Eve. In true Maggie May fashion, I start talking to him and we exchange numbers (or he takes mine since my phone at that time decided to take a leap for freedom into the toilet bowl). We chat for a few weeks before we finally hang out.

Yeah...the reason why you shouldn't exchange numbers with random guys on the train coming back from a night of drinking and partying is because you tend to forget what the guy really looks like. This happened to me.

We decided to see a movie on Friday, and he picked me up. I got into the car and who I remembered in my head was not who was sitting next to me. He kind of looked like how I remembered, but not exactly, and not in the "better" direction.

It was awkward because the entire night I was trying to find out if he was Jewish. It wasn't until the end of the night that I found out he was, but it didn't matter at that point. No attraction was there, so I won't be pursuing this avenue.

A Side Dish (get it?)

2007-12-19T15:56:00.000-05:00

It is fun to mess with men who you know you are never going to kiss/sleep with/do anything sexual with. It makes me feel like a goddess to know that a guy wants me soooooo badly, but he can't have me because I won't allow it.

Games are fun!

2 Dates in One Day...I'm Back Bitches!

2007-12-19T15:12:00.001-05:00

Two dates in one day....it feels so good to be back!

First date, honestly, was nice but I'm not attracted to the guy, so no need for a second one.

Now on to the more important second date:

First of all, pictures do not do this guy justice. He's not as dorky as he looks in his pics. I love when guys wear ski hats. I don't know what it is, but a dude who can pull off a ski hat is HOT. He also has eyes that I could fall into. I never notice a guy's eyes, but this guy has AMAZING eyes. Somewhere in between green and blue. Mmmmm....

We go to a bar for a beer (and the Giant's game). We talk about work, random stories, school...then, he pulls the SLICKEST move: He says, "Can I see your watch? It looks really cool." He grabs my wrist, pulls my hand to him and starts holding my hand.

This guy is slick...I can respect a move like that!

I admit that we did kiss on the date. A lot, actually, but nothing more. My goodness he is a good kisser! I totally want another chance to kiss him!

And now I wait. I fucking hate waiting...

You Can't Play a Player!

2007-12-19T14:39:00.001-05:00

Why do guys think they are smarter than women? True, some men may be smarter book-wise, or even street-wise, but relationship-wise they are complete dumbasses.

Oh Garry, you stupid, stupid, STUPID boy...

A brief synopsis of what occurred since the first (and only) date with Garry. I moved to a new apartment and was overly consumed with work, packing and the holidays. Then a family member of his died and he had to fly back home for the funeral/mourning period. While he was in his hometown he called me CONSTANTLY. Like, every day. We did set up a date when he got back, but he cancelled and we never got to go out again.

Here's why:

During Chanukah, Garry and one of my very close friends (let's call her Laura here) met at a party. She didn't know who he was until our other friend Dara came over and started talking to him. Laura put things together AFTER they had exchanged contact info.

So far, he hasn't done anything wrong. We are allowed to date whomever we want to.

Laura texts me and tells me about meeting him. I text him and joke that he and Laura are now all BFF. He tells me about the party, and then makes a date with me (the one that later is cancelled). All seems kosher...

He starts hitting on Laura. She tells him that she isn't comfortable with dating him while he is dating me. No offense to him, but she rather keep a close friendship than screw around with someone she barely knows.

He says, "Well, I want to just see where things go with the two of you."

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????

Okay, here are some rules of dating that I believe all people should live by:
1) Date whomever you want, just not their friends.
2) If you find out that you like one of their friends more than them, don't string them along. Choose one, but make the decision quickly.
3) Know that friends talk. About everything. I mean EVERYTHING, so perhaps dating friends is not a good idea.
4) Don't try to pretend that you are not a player when you are. Especially when you are a crappy player, and your game is revealed REALLY early on.

Then comes the second "Dinner Speed Dating" event that Garry and I met at. He's there, I'm there, Laura's there, Dara's there, and one of my coworkers who has heard the whole saga play out is there as well. The girls mock him the entire time. He is maybe aware...we are not sure. The realizations made that night were: 1) both of us could do better and 2) he's LAME.

2 days later I'm on a date (read about it in the next post). Laura calls me and tells me about a conversation she and Garry had where he said that he finally came to a decision.

How nice of him! Too bad he's too late!

My apologies

2007-12-19T14:36:00.000-05:00

Before I post my most recent, um, confessions, I must apologize to anyone reading this blog for my lack of posts. First of all, I moved, thus putting a somewhat hold on my dating life. Secondly, and this will be revealed in a future post, there was some boy drama...

To find out what happened, read on...

Time Flies When You Eat Thai Food

2007-11-10T10:53:00.000-05:00

Ah Thai food...I think you are my one true love. Hopefully you will help facilitate in the finding of the man who will make me happy for the rest of my life. But, if not, at least I have Pad Thai!

Garry and I had our first date the other night at my favorite Thai place. I, as usual, show up ridiculously on time, and I wait until he shows up. Some concerns that I had before getting there was what to wear. He was coming from work (wearing a suit) and I hate getting dressed up. But, for the sake of not looking retarded, I get all sorts of trendy looking to go out to dinner. At a restaurant I would wear sweats to. Yeah.

Dinner was great. Food is always good there, and we actually had dessert (mmmmm, chocolate souffle`).

Conversation was great. We spoke about EVERYTHING. No topic was left uncovered. I discovered he and I are the same age, but I am older by 2 months (not a common occurrence for me). He wasn't such a great kid in school; I was a nerd and goody-two-shoes. He will keep me company as we have a scary movie marathon of movies we haven't seen (and apparently will lose circulation in his arm because I will be squeezing it so much).

Wait, hold on a sec. Did he say that we are having a movie marathon?

Please, please, please, PLEASE don't be that guy who says things during a date and then never follows through!

Scariest moment of the date: when I went to the bathroom, looked at my watch for the second time that night only to find it was 11:30 and I had to get up early for work the next morning! Our friend who had organized that dinner where we met had text messaged me to find out how dinner went. I texted her back that we were still there. Her message back: Hot damn!

I concur.

The train ride home was pleasant enough. I got a hug as I left him to walk home.

After reading my "Bitch" book, I shouldn't be offended by a hug. I am taking things slowly. I am waiting at least a month before doing anything really physical.

I am waiting.
I am waiting.
I am waiting.

Repeat mantra and breathe....

The "Not So Free" Meal

2007-11-05T20:29:00.000-05:00

So, being a Jewish girl in search of Mr. Right, I decide to do the most Jewy thing possible: Shabbat dinner at a local Jewish organization. Normally I wouldn't attend anything from this organization, because they are mildly cultish, but I had a brief change of heart when I got an email from them about their new take on speed dating.

Speed dating that is mildly slower because you are eating a Shabbat dinner! What could be better?

The concept was a good one: have a bunch of tables where random assignments of women and men will sit together, changing table assignments for each course. Each person is given a name tag with business cards with their personal information on it to give to people they click with. Sounds good right?

The execution of the plan wasn't the smoothest (the random assignments for each course led to repeat people at each table), but the night was fun. Here's the rundown:

Course #1: We sit down, introduce ourselves, and begin the evening. I survey the table...slim pickings to be honest. Most of the guys at the table are short and not really my type. One guy, however, strikes my fancy: Garry. Tall, cute, kinda skinny (not really my thing, but I could work with it), and when he looks at me I get all sorts of nervous and butterfly-esque. We start flirting, subtly of course, and before I know it, the first course is over and we exit into the lobby while they change the tables around.

Break in the Lobby: I meet up with my friend who accompanied me that night only to find her with two guys we met at speed dating. One of the guys is the guy that I totally clicked with over David Duchovny. We all start chatting about our first course, and then about things in general. I finally turn around to the guy I liked and asked why he didn't "YES" me for the speed dating. He said he wasn't a member and didn't log on at all for anyone.

Hmmmm...lame excuse or the truth? We shall see.

Course #2: Due to the random assignment, I'm at my second table with two guys from my first table (unfortunately not Garry). The conversation was nice, but nothing impressive by anyone there. Garry, however, was at an adjacent table making eye contact every now and then. I love flirting with the eyebrows!

Dessert course (in the lobby): Garry and I start flirting hardcore. Physical contact is made (thank goodness he isn't shomer), tickling occurs, people ask how long we have known each other. Huh? For like, um, 15 minutes?

I give him my card and go off to play with my other friends.

My friend, the two guys from speed dating and I decide to go out to a bar.

Two chocolate martinis later, I am calling out Californication-boy out on him being a player; someone who loves the chase, but that's about all he likes. He tells me I'm wrong and that he'll call me. We exchange numbers (I put him in as "so-and-so who will never call"). I'm going to be sooooooo right about him.

Why am I so gutsy to call a guy out? Read "Why Men Love Bitches". It will change your life.

Now, I'm waiting to see who I hear from.

Hurry the Eff Up!

2007-10-26T17:57:00.000-04:00

Speed dating!

What could be more fun than talking to a bunch of different guys for no longer than 4 minutes at a time? Nothing that I can think of!

After my TERRIBLE date on Saturday, I was very much in need for many short dates that would end in exactly 4 minutes. I figured if the guy was cute/nice/funny, they would "YES" me on their cards and I would do the same on mine, and we would eventually go out on a non-time-restricted date. If the guy was annoying, peace out homey!

The only downside to speed dating is the pool of men that show up. More than half were guys that I would not usually want to go out with...EVER. The few guys there who seemed like they'd be my type were okay, but only a few stuck out.

I picked 6 in total to say yes to (out of 14).

One guy (and honestly, the only one I was SUPER interested in) had a mutual match with me. I feel like I shouldn't give too much information about him just yet (being that we haven't actually gone out yet) for fear of jinxing what might happen.

BUT, I will keep you posted! ;)

I Get Sick (and still have 3 dates in one week)

2007-10-18T18:20:00.000-04:00

Monday night:

I am a pimp. I don't know how I do it, or why I do it, but I have managed to line up 3 dates for this week.

And they are good dates too!

Here's how the week looks:

Tuesday: concert with Sam

Thursday: drinks with Brian at my FAVORITE bar

Saturday: not sure yet what is going on, but something with Derek

And then I have to be up wicked early on Saturday for a conference. Great!

Tuesday:

I'm sick...shit!

I decide to go out with Sam anyway (he did get me the tickets, so how could I bail?), and the concert is awesome, but he is SO not my kind of guy. Cool dude, but totally not my type. Still, didn't ask for money and then took me out to dinner.

Thursday:

After taking off work yesterday (I was absolutely dying), I am feeling slightly better, and decide to keep my date with Brian.

What an interesting guy...I don't mean interesting in the "wow, he's a nuclear physicist, and that's awesome" interesting, but "wow, he is the MOST AWKWARD guy ever".

Nervous would be the best word to describe him.

Perhaps I am too much woman for him!

Either way, we had 2 delicious glasses of wine, split an appetizer (I ended up with half of mine ricocheting onto the floor when I went to cut it), and the conversation (when it actually flowed) was nice. He was actually shaking when he put the money in the bill holder (awwww). I have decided that if he calls again for a date, I will go out with him again.

Saturday:
Note: I have been up since 6:30 am because I had to go to a conference for work. I ended up doing actual work at this conference, and was therefore DEAD TIRED when the date actually occurred. Perhaps this is why the following will sound rather violent.

What. An. Ass.

How, how, HOW I ask you could a guy that I spent 2 hours talking to on Monday night turn into such an arrogant dick within 6 days (counting Monday for those of you who actually counted)???

We spent most of dinner debating about things. This is not always a bad thing, but when it occurs all throughout the date, it's annoying. He asked me questions like, "If you could choose a power from one of the heroes on 'Heroes', what would it be?" and the criticize the answers I gave. He criticized me for "being late" (I told him to call me when he got out of the subway, since I live 2 blocks from the stop, and I'd walk up to the place), even when he pushed our date from 5pm to practically 7pm (even though he had to be back home for a party by 11)! He noted that the first beer ordered was "watered down" (it wasn't), and that the buffalo burger (actual buffalo) was dense (like him?), and that onions give him heartburn (ummm, okay?).

The best part was when he asked me, "If you could have three wishes, what would they be?" I, being me, said my usual, "I'd like people to be happy" kind of answers. After tearing them apart, he told me two of his.

He wanted to essentially be G-d/Hiro Nakamura/Jesus.

He wanted the power to go through time.

He also wanted the power to change things into anything he wanted.

What an egocentric asshole I kept thinking.

My favorite part of the night was after he paid and had gone to the bathroom one last time before leaving. As the bus boys came over to clean off our table, I let out a huge sigh of exasperation. They both looked at me and laughed as I realized how loud a sigh it was.

Oh, and they also threw out the 99 cent water bottle he had with him.

Which he informed me they did, over and over and over again.

All the way from the restaurant to the train.

Have I mentioned how happy I am to be home in pyjamas?

Atonement (with benefits)

2007-10-18T18:12:00.000-04:00

Erev Yom Kippur:

I email Larry. Why, you ask? Because, as any good Jew should right before the Yom, I feel guilty for the way things ended between us. Plus, I'm kinda annoyed at the whole David situation, pissed at Michael for sending me a bullshit "I'm sorry" text this morning, and I'm horny.

It's been a month and change since I saw him last. A girl has needs!

So, I email him. I basically apologize for what seemed to be me blowing him off, but I swore I wasn't, and wanted to just say I'm sorry.

I honestly don't expect him to respond.

Which he does. Not right away, but he does. This is a good start.

A few weeks later:

We finally get to hang out one Saturday night. He brought over cupcakes. We had sex.

Mediocre sex, really. I'm not so sure that I will be calling him again for a booty call.

At Least I Got To Try A New Beer...

2007-10-18T17:28:00.000-04:00

I knew this was coming. I didn't want to be the one to do it, but I knew this was coming.

David and I finally get together again (it had been two weeks since we were able to coordinate schedules to see each other since the last time). We meet at a bar I've been dying to go to, and order drinks.

He, as usual, finishes his before I finish mine, but doesn't order another one.

Something is up.

"So, I'm terrible at this," he says, "but I have to do it. See, I ran into my ex the other day, and I realized that I still have feelings for her, and it's not fair to get into something with you when I don't know what's going to happen with her...."

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

I told him that I was so glad that he said this, because I had recently started talking to my ex as well (truth), and I wasn't sure about my feelings about him (Michael) myself (lie). I gave him an awkward hug, and walked home in time to catch Grey's Anatomy on TV.

Oh yeah, about that whole me talking to Michael again. I was cleaning up my buddy list and deleted him. This apparently unblocked him, and he IMed me. We were civil, and it was a very nice conversation (I missed having our conversations). I have realized, though, that I am happy with just being friends. I have no desire to date a slacker anymore, and need someone who has a good head on their shoulders.

Plus, as an ego boost, I think he got kicked out of his program. That fills me with evil glee, but Yom Kippur is coming up tomorrow, so I can atone for that.

The Karma Date

2007-10-17T17:20:00.000-04:00

Best date idea EVER!

Note to the men: if you want to impress a girl, this is the way to do it. We don't need flowers or money or jewelry. We need effort!

David and I meet up for date numero tres at Union Square. He hands me a rose (awwww) and proceeds to tell me that we will be going on a Karma Date. He has researched a bunch of places to go for a drink, dinner and dessert in the area, has printed them out on tiny sheets of paper, crumpled them up and now I have to choose.

KICKASS!

For drinks we went to The Gotham Bar and Grill. Dinner was at a sushi place nearby (totally forgot the name of the place). Dessert was at Max Brenner's.

Oh Max Brenner...how I love you.

Nothing says "mini-orgasm" like chocolate pizza paired with a coconut martini. Yeah, it's that serious.

Amazing date...absolutely amazing.

The part that wasn't amazing, though, was the kissing at my apartment. The first time David and I kissed, I felt weak in my knees. Now, nothing. Nada. Zip, zero, zilch.

Maybe things aren't clicking the way they need to be. We get along super well, but I'm just not sure.

Does This Date Look Familiar To You?

2007-10-17T17:12:00.000-04:00

I let David have a second date. I figure, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt (everyone has a spazzy moment now and then, I should know this better than anyone). Plus, I have his suit jacket, so I kind of have to see him again.

I plan the date this time, so we go to my favorite wine store (which, to keep anonymity, I can't say which one) and pick up a bottle of wine before heading off for Thai (also at an undisclosed location). I'm looking super cute in my green flouncy skirt and black shirt with adorable sandals.

We finish dinner (so good) and head down to the park to sit on the Pier.

Wait a second...this seems very familiar.

The reason this is familiar is because this is almost an exact duplication of my first date with Michael. We went to a Pan-Asian restaurant and the walked down to the Pier to talk until the wee hours of the morning. It was great. I was even wearing the same outfit.

Except the magic wasn't the same here. I felt extremely nervous (probably because I was waiting for something to happen with him like last time), and I couldn't look him in the eye when we spoke (I have a problem with eye contact. I'm working on it).

Still, the conversation we had was nice, and we kissed for a bit before I went upstairs to my apartment. All in all, it was a pleasant evening.

Especially since no one passed out.

The South Will Rise Again (on the Upper West Side apparently)

2007-10-17T16:20:00.000-04:00

Did you know there is a country bar on the Upper West Side? I was not aware of this, but my first date with a new guy starts off at Yogi's.

Nothing says "this is not a classy joint" better than having the bartenders flash the patrons within a few minutes of being there.

"Do you want to get out of here?" asks David, looking nervous as all hell. He insists to me over and over again that this place is not as bad as it seems.

"Sure", I answer, and we head uptown to a wine bar (where I get to show off my recent wine snobbery), and chill there until it closes, then head across the street to the jazz bar and stay there until it closes.

The setting was perfect for a romantic first kiss. It was misting out, he had lent me his suit jacket because I was cold, and it was Manhattan. He asked me, ever so politely, if he could kiss me. He did, and we spent the next hour kissing (I say kissing instead of making out because there was no groping involved).

The the strangest thing happens.

David tells me he has to get up early for work, and as nice as this is, he's going to have to go home. So, as we walk to get me a cab he suddenly falls on the ground, hitting his head on the window of the jazz club (and breaking it). He then looks at me (who knows how absolutely horrified I looked) and says, "How did I get down here?"

A bottle of water and some saltines later I learn that he didn't eat anything before we met up. As we say goodnight (he lets me keep his coat as a way to get a second date out of me), he says "Well, this will either make a really funny story one day, or a really funny story one day".

I come home feeling odd and mildly confused.

AWKWARD!

2007-10-17T16:19:00.000-04:00

Reasons why living with a single girl also on Match sucks:
1) She will compare and contrast the guys who message the two of you and point out their faults. This is not always a bad thing, but when the two of you have different tastes in men, it tends to be pointless in the long run.
2) When she's signed in, and you have a friend over who has heard about Larry, but hasn't seen him, and you show her his profile while your roommate is signed in, he will try to message her!
3) She will tell you.

Let the awkward game of "who is going to tell who first that they know there's a connection" begin!

Okay, so for those of you confused, here's what happened:

My roommate is on Match, and we show my friend Larry's profile.
Because Larry can see who has viewed his profile, he sees my roommate, and sends her a "hey, what's up" email.
My roommate tells me.
I get annoyed (how dare he!), but then realize that we had 2 freaking dates, and that does not constitute a relationship, and that I am looking at other people as well.
My two roommates get pissed at him, but I point out the above epiphany I had.
My roommate (the one who got the message) emails him back something casual, just to see how far this will go.
Larry, unbeknownst to him who my roommate is, continues flirting.
My roommate, comes clean to him that the only reason she was looking at his profile was because I told her to find it, and that he's seeing me, so she's not interested.
He replies, "Okay, but that doesn't mean we can't talk, right?"

Now, I must pause here, because to me that comment seems a little sketch. But, Larry keeps on calling/IMing me, so I figure, what the hell. I know what the situation is (even if he thinks I don't). If I can squeeze out a few more free meals/sex out of this, why not?

Unfortunately, the powers that be have another plan for me. After a few times of trying to get together, I get sick. Like, for real sick, and Larry thinks I am blowing him off. How do I know this? Because to me it felt like I was blowing him off, even though I wasn't, and eventually he stopped calling.

Oh well, on to the next one.

How To Be A Pimp (in 3 easy payments of $19.95)

2007-10-14T18:42:00.000-04:00

I go out with Shackelbolt two days later. Larry asked me out for the same day after I made plans, so I told him that we'd hang out some other day.

Shackelbolt and I meet up at the train station by me. Oh shit. He's wearing a yarmulke. He's also crazy dressed up because, as he tells me, he has a quick job interview that afternoon, which will only take a few minutes and then we can go out.

What the fuck?

Who the hell schedules a job interview and a date at the same time.

Oh hell no!

We walk to the park, and we are sitting on the bench talking for a bit. I am extremely uncomfortable right now. He is totally not reading my body language at all (which, if it could talk would say, "FUCK OFF") and is attempting to kiss me.

"I think you could be a keeper."

Are you serious? A keeper? We have been out on one date, and you are saying I'm a keeper? Are you totally stupid? Are you unable to see that I am pissed as hell right now?

"Yeeeeah, I don't think I can do this."

Awkward silence that lasts for what seems like forever

He tells me that he thinks I am making a mistake. I reply that I don't think that, and that I wish him luck on his interview, but I will be leaving now.

I walk home.

Larry is online and IMs me. "Whatcha up to?"

I make up a story about how my friend bailed on me, so I'm free the rest of the day, and he offers to come over and cook me dinner.

AWESOME!

We meet up, go get some wine, go shopping and come back to my place.

It is awesome having a professional chef cook for you. I highly recommend everyone have that happen to them at one point in your life. Chef hours suck, but if you are willing to suck it up for a few dates, the rewards will be great when they cook for you. Trust me.

We had sex. It was good too, because it was the first time I had sex since Michael, and it was awesome. Plus, I got to have an amazing dessert after the sex.

This is too good for words.

Why The Ideal Guy Isn't Always Ideal

2007-10-14T18:35:00.001-04:00

I grew up in a non-Jewish neighborhood. I grew up around a lot of non-white non-Jews. I am not your typical Jewish girl. I love rap and hip-hop music. Reggae is awesome. I do African drumming and dance.

Which is why I got all excited when I had a date with The Black Heeb.

Shackelbolt and I met on JDate. I was intrigued by his profile, and found out he had converted to Judaism two years ago. He said he was Modern Orthodox (uh-oh), but that he was very liberal (good).

We meet at a bar. He's cute. Tall. Good dresser. Wears a DC comics hat and a shirt that says NERD. Awesome.

Maybe he's not that religious. I know plenty of Modern Orthodox Jews who eat out at unkosher places. Maybe he's one of them!

He's not.

It becomes very clear to me that he wants to keep Shabbos and keep kosher in ways I am not prepared to.

But he also kisses me. A lot. So how religious could he really be?

I agree to a second date, even though I have some concerns in the back of my mind.

The Bad Boy

2007-10-14T18:27:00.000-04:00

I decide to join Match. JDate has too many freaks, and I need a break.

Within a few days of being on the site, I meet Larry, a chef who works in the city. We decide to meet up for drinks on a Sunday night after he gets off from work.

I show my roommate his profile. "Oh my G-d, I know that guy", she says. "He messaged me a few months ago, but he sounded illiterate, so I never wrote him back".

I believe in giving everyone a shot, because I know that people are different in person than they are online. The online world is tricky, and meeting someone in person is the best way to get to know someone. Plus, how are they going to take you out to dinner or drinks when they are at home in front of their computer?

Larry and I meet up, and he's got bad boy written all over him. He's got a tattoo. He smokes. He has crazy stories about where he's had sex. By the end of our conversation our bar stools are so close our legs are intertwined.

Making out in a doorway is interesting. It provides that rush of making out in public without being in the way of pedestrians. I also learned that the building keeps their AC on even when no one is in the building.

I definitely want to hang out with this guy again. I'm pretty sure he's not boyfriend material, but he could be a lot of fun.

JDate is Full of Freaks (and they all seem to find me)

2007-10-14T18:09:00.000-04:00

How come all the freaks find me?

Here I am, minding my own business, trying to find a normal guy who will treat me nicely, and along come all these weirdos who want me to do odd things with them.

Weirdo #1:
Him: Hi
Me: Hi
Him: Whatcha up to?
Me: Not much. It's too hot to even move today.
Him: No kidding. I had to wear a thong today it's so hot.
A thong? Really? What kind of guy, other than a stripper, wears a thong?
Me: Yeah, that sucks. Well, I have to run actually.
Him: Do you have a few minutes for some cybersex
I block him

Weirdo #2:
After chatting a bit online (and I honestly should have seen the dirty direction this was going to go in, but I figured I'd give him a shot), we plan a date. We go to the same place I went with Daniel on our first date (which I have decided at this point will be my "first date" spot), and then come back to my place.

Oh...my...G-d...

The shit that came out of this guy's mouth was totally inappropriate for a first make-out session. He wanted to sleep with me, I didn't want to sleep with him (not on the first date at least). He went on and on (and on and on and on) about how much he wanted me to do various things to him and how he was going to do various things to me. All I kept thinking was, "Do you kiss your mother with this mouth?"

I am not into dirty talk. Never have been. I feel silly saying this stuff. You should be able to know how your "cock makes me feel" by me moaning or screaming out in ecstasy while we are having sex. Don't ask me! It's lame, and you are stupid for not paying attention.

Needless to say there was no second date.

Wine, Cheese, Porn and Mild Disappointment

2007-10-14T18:05:00.000-04:00

Neither Daniel nor the Bosnian came to my birthday party.

Daniel has disappeared off the face of the planet. He is not returning my texts or phone calls, so I pretty much get the picture. It's fine, though, because I wasn't even sure about him to begin with.

The Bosnian not coming made me upset for two reasons:
1) I was REALLY looking forward to him being there because he's a cool guy and I was hoping to hook up with him in some capacity.
2) He said he was going to get me "Flashpoint" (my favorite Jenna porn) for my birthday.

I'm more upset about not getting the porn.

You're Going Back Home When????

2007-10-14T17:59:00.001-04:00

"The end of July?"

I ask this to my Bosnian friend after he tells me this is when he will be returning home.

I chew my vegetable dumpling as I ponder this predicament. How will I be able to hook up with this guy for a substantial amount of time before he goes back in a month? Do I want to do this at all? He's so much younger than me (4 years), and, although he's very, very, very cute, will be GOING BACK TO BOSNIA!!!

I switch the subject by asking him about Bosnia. I decide that if I can't have a fling with him, I at least can forge a friendship that might result in a free place to stay if I ever go visit him.

I stay out too late on a work night. It's pouring out when we leave the restaurant (he paid), and by the time I get home I am soaking wet and mildly sad.

At least he's coming to my birthday party.

I Heart Bosnia

2007-10-14T17:52:00.000-04:00

Toga parties are fun. Stupid fun, but still, fun.

They are fun because I get to get naked under a sheet I'm wearing and get drunk with my friends.

They are fun because I get to go to the liquor store, in said toga, to get more rum.

They are fun because cute boys from Bosnia want to hang out with me afterwards.

Awesome.

Was I Roofied?

2007-10-14T16:36:00.000-04:00

"Did you ever leave your drink alone with him?"

That's what my brother asks me when I tell him about my date.

I start questioning myself about what happened that night. Did he try to slip me something? Wouldn't I have passed out? Maybe puking was a good thing that happened?

Date Numero Dos (also known as the final one)

2007-10-14T15:59:00.000-04:00

Ah, Manhattan. You make me have such odd experiences with men.

So, Daniel decides to show me how big of a hot shot he is, and invites me out for drinks and dancing at The Bowery Hotel. Not a big deal, since I've been there before, but it's still nice, and I get all fancy shmantzy in my black dress and heels. I feel awesome!

I always get nervous before getting to a place that I'm unfamiliar with. Will I be able to find where I'm going? Will I remember what the guy looks like? Will I be able to not look like an idiot while figuring the previous questions out?

I find him (thank goodness) and we have a few drinks. Yet again, the conversation is good, but there's still something I'm not sure about. Is it the fact that he's older? His build? I can't place my finger on it.

We, miraculously, get into the dance area without having to wait on the line. Wait a sec, we don't have to wait? What the hell is this? I'm not someone important enough to not wait on a line!

Then something freaky happens. We are dancing (he's soooooo white) and all of a sudden I feel dizzy. I excuse myself, run to the bathroom, and puke. I'm puking! What the crap? This is not normal. I ate dinner beforehand, didn't drink too much, and have been feeling fine. What's the matter with me?

Thank goodness for Listerine strips. Did you know that if you shove 5 of them in your mouth, no one will know that you just emptied the contents of your stomach into a toilet? Well, I guess if you are bulimic you knew, but not me!

I go back, switch to water for the rest of the night, and around 3am we head out.

Now the moment of truth. How am I getting home?

Daniel hails a cab. We get in, and I say my address. We get to my apartment, he pays for the cab (how nice) and walks me to my door. We then proceed into a full-on, hour long make-out session that, honestly, gets a tad graphic for being outside.

What's going through my head? HOW IS THIS GUY NOT NOTICING THAT I PUKED EARLIER? I mean, yay and all for Listerine strips, but how is he not aware that there is something terribly off about my breath?

Finally, I excuse myself, thank him for a wonderful evening, and go upstairs.

The First One

2007-10-14T14:19:00.000-04:00

Daniel wants to IM me on JDate. No picture...hmmmm. What the hell, you never know!

He and I chat for a while. He's older than the men I'm used to dating (35), has a house in Philly and an apartment here in Manhattan, and seems like a decent enough guy. We set up a date at a place of my choosing.

Date day rolls around. I'm looking quite fantastic, if I do say so myself.

I have no clue what he looks like. He described himself as tall and good looking (or at least he's been told). I get to the bar, and he is totally not what I expect. He's built like a football player (he did play in college), and is wearing a hat, so I can't assess the hair situation. The conversation is good. I get wine, he gets Jack on the rocks. We do a flight of wines (I end up hating most of them). We get another round.

He asks if I'd like to get food upstairs and I say yes. The food is great, the atmosphere is nice, and the conversation is awesome. For the first time in my life there is a guy sitting across from me who tells me that my job sounds fascinating. I'm still not sure if this guy will be relationship material, but it's still early.

The check comes. He pays it without flinching. This could be the start of something good!

He gives me a peck on the cheek and I go home happy and renewed.

The Aftermath

2007-10-14T14:08:00.000-04:00

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

My life is over.

I will never find anyone else like him.

Shit...I'm single again.

I go through my normal routine after a relationship ends. I find all the pictures of us and hide them (I must admit that I didn't shred them right away...that took a few months to do), delete him from my phone (along with his friends and family), IM, email, and photo website. No pictures remain on my computer or phone anymore. My MySpace profile relationship status is set back to "single". I reactivate my JDate profile and pray that his profile doesn't come up ever.

I fucking hate him.

I get my stuff back from him, cry for the weekend, tell everyone at work, call all my friends to vent, and decide to join Weight Watchers to get rid of all the weight I gained while being with him.

How could he do this to me? He was supposed to be the one.

My friends try to get me to go out and get drunk to solve my problems. I'm not a drinker when I'm upset. It only makes me more upset, so I decline, thanking my friends for being there for me.

By Monday I am better. By Friday I'm fucking awesome. Shit...I have no plans for this Friday. Or Saturday. Crap.

I hate not having a boyfriend. This blows.

April 20, 2007

2007-10-14T14:00:00.000-04:00

I saw this coming.

I saw this coming since February, when Michael told me he was getting kicked out of his doctoral program.

No, wait. To be honest, I saw this coming since November, when he told me that there was something "missing" from our relationship. He loved that we could hang out endlessly, have great sex (having so many orgasms in one session we actually started to count after that), that I got along with his friends and family well, but that was not enough. He thought I wasn't high-maintenance enough for him (like his ex, who demanded the most ridiculous things from him during their brief relationship). I didn't demand, I didn't whine or complain...I was happy, and that wasn't enough.

Fast forward to April.

I should have gone to the movies with my friends. I should have ditched him for the evening, even though we hadn't seen each other in weeks, and gone to see that movie.

"I'll come over to you", he said. Uh-oh. He never came over to me.

He came over, sat on my bed, took my hands and stared at the floor. "I don't think I can do this anymore".

Here was the man I thought I was going to marry. On paper, he was awesome. Tall, smart (getting his doctorate for Pete's sake!), funny, sarcastic, good in bed, devoted to making me cum as many times as possible, a decent cook (although not a terribly healthy one), great at getting along with my friends and family, and, best of all, Jewish enough for me. We looked great together, we could spend hours in bed and not care about moving, we planned trips to go away...I thought I was in love. Yet, in the back of my mind, I knew that he wasn't the right one for me. I knew that he was incapable of loving me (whether he could love someone else one day is something neither of us knew), incapable of stepping out of his "slacker zone", and totally incapable of having a normal, healthy relationship.

The one thing I kept thinking, as he went on about how maybe our timing was off (he had the balls to tell me the story of his aunt and uncle who dated, broke up, dated other people, and then found their way back to each other), how he could see himself getting married to me, having kids, and being content, but that wasn't enough, and how he wanted to have me in his life, was "I can't believe I missed that movie!"