At Least It's A Free Meal (a true confession)

I Am Twitterpated

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 04:29:00 +0000

If you don't know what that word means, go watch Bambi again.

Marc and I have been out on 3 dates now (although one date was just chilling at my place), and everything is awesome. We really like each other, and I hope we continue to really like each other.

We also had sex. And it was good. It's almost like he was made to fit me...weird how that happens.

I know that he is blown away by my complete acceptance of who he is. He has told me a lot of stuff that I need to know about him, and nothing has been so extreme that I have said, "fuck it" and bailed. We have all made mistakes (ummmmm, yeah), and as long as we accept our mistakes, move on, and try to not make them again, everything should be cool. I'm interested in who he is now not the mistakes he made then.

Tomorrow he meets my friends. Some of them, at least, but definitely two who are very important to my life. Their acceptance of him is pretty much crucial to things being all happy in my world. I do think they will get along. Since he and I share a wicked sense of humor, and they seem to get along with me, I think it's pretty much a done deal between him and my friends.

We shall see how tomorrow goes.

One thing that is on my mind is how is his brother going to react when we tell him. I asked Marc the other night if he told his brother, and he said no, that he hadn't yet. He then kept saying how dumb his brother was for not pursuing anything with me in the past, and I said that it was better that he hadn't because I could have ended up with the wrong brother. That, of course, completely made it an "awwwwww" moment, but it's true...I really think that his brother and I were never a good match. Sure there was a physical attraction, but there was no mental, and his brother was too much of a "sheep" for me to want to be with him for the long haul. I really like Marc in a way that I never felt for his brother. It makes me happy that things never went anywhere with his brother.

He spent the night, and it was nice having him there...I was a little sad not having him in my bed last night, but figured that there would probably be a few more nights of him staying over in my future, so I should enjoy my alone time while I could!

Sigh...twitterpated...

I Like A Boy

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 22:57:00 +0000

I haven't "liked" a guy in a while...probably since Dean, and we all know how well that turned out. Marc is fantastic. We had our first date on Friday, and it was great. We went to an Italian restaurant for dinner, and then came back to my place to watch Thundercats.

Awesome.

We also made out for a long time...until about 5am...yeah...

I decided to tell the guys from JDate who I have been only talking to that I am not going to be going out on a date with them. I really like this guy, and don't feel like dating anyone else but him right now.

I am terrible at accepting compliments. It's weird for me when a guy tells me I'm sexy or I'm beautiful. I wish I was better, and I'm trying to work on it, but I always feel stuck not knowing what to say in return. I find Marc attractive...he's tall, and cute, and has a smile that makes me feel at ease for some reason. He's incredibly sweet and outgoing, and seems to love life. I just feel so awkward when he tells me how pretty I look.

We have date #2 tonight. I'm excited to see him again...I speak to him every day, multiple times, but I much rather see him in person. I also like the fact that he didn't wait a week to ask me out again. He waited a day.

Awesome.

Had I Only Known Then What I Know Now...

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 22:17:00 +0000

I would have never hooked up with a certain guy.

So, back in the day, I had a friend who I crushed on, but the feeling were never reciprocated...at least not on a long-term level. We had the tendency, on nights before I had family coming over to my house, to get drunk and hook up. Nothing ever came of this, and now he's an uber-religious Heeb who is off in Israel studying to be a rabbi and hoping to find a wife.

Got all that? Fantastic. Let's continue...

Sunday I went to an engagement party of sorts in the city at a friend's apartment. This friend also happens to be best friends with the guy from the above story. I wasn't feeling terribly well, but I figured I'd just show my face, wish the couple a mazel tov and be on my way. My plan never happened.

I met a guy there. Super Heeb's brother to be exact.

This guy and I completely hit it off. Strange that when I'm feeling like crap, the men gravitate towards me. Who would have thought that hacking up a lung was attractive?

So, stats of Marc: Tall, cute, a big bigger than his brother, but that's fine by me, 35, is a computer geek (awesome) and has a wicked sense of humor. He's quick with the comebacks, and agrees that his brother is nuts. Two "downsides" (that aren't really downsides to be honest): he's a Yankee fan (boooooo!) and he has a 13-year old kid.

I've never dated a guy with a kid. I don't know the back story (if he got married to the mother, if he just supported her, what the custody situation is), but I'm sure I will find it out eventually.

He lives in my town, so he ended up driving me home after dinner. He and I spent over an hour just talking in his car in the parking garage of the LIRR. We exchanged numbers, and before I even got home that night I had a text asking me out for this weekend.

So we have date #1 tomorrow (hopefully I will feel up to it...this bronchitis sucks). I'm hoping to have the nerve to ask him about his daughter. I don't know how to ask about the back story, but I guess it will just come up when it comes up.

Another thing that I must mention is that I told him about me and his brother. He is totally cool with it (being the past and all) and actually said how he liked that I told him right away. He had hypothesized that we might have, but then figured that had we hooked up, I would have told him eventually.

He's awesome.

I haven't felt this way about a guy in a while.

Jumping Back In (I think)

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 00:56:00 +0000

So, I haven't updated this blog in a while, and a lot has happened since the last post. With that said, let me recap:

One of the guys from JDate and I really hit it off over email and then on the phone. We have talked almost every day in some form since we started talking. There was a minor problem when I found out (on the worst day ever) that he had gone out on a few dates with one of my friends, but he's no longer seeing her (I know this because she hasn't spoken to me since he told her he didn't want to see her anymore and she went off on me). We finally went out on a date on Friday...

I think the date totally changed things for the worse. We had such a comfortable "relationship" before we went out, and now I feel like things have changed...he flirts when we do talk, but it's not as frequent, and I don't know what is up. I don't know if there will be a second date, and I almost wish that we never went out, since it seems to have completely ruined my comfort level with him (and possibly his with me). Argh...

Still talking as well to the other guy from JDate who went out with my roommate on two dates. Might go out with him at some point. He is the dirtiest guy I've met, and possibly the kinkiest. I'm somewhat convinced he won't be anything but a hook-up, but I will try to get to know him.

The non-Heeb has panned out to nothing, which means, in a few months, I will be $1 richer and get to say "I told you so" to my friend. Excellent....

No Dates Yet, But.....

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 23:12:00 +0000

I have had some very interesting conversations with some guys from JDate recently...who knows if any of them will pan out into actual dates, but for now, it's all good.

Contestant #1: A dude I've been actually speaking to online for over a year now (possibly almost two...I don't really remember when we started). When we began speaking back in the day (which was a Wednesday, by the way), he was doing an internship/residency/whatever you do when you become a doctor in Atlanta. Nevertheless, we kept chatting. He seemed nice, and seemed to want to chat, so why not keep up conversation. A few weeks ago, he was online again after not being online in a while, and I IMed him. Turns out, he's back in NY finally, for good, so now we (technically) could meet up. Interesting...except for one issue...I don't remember his name! I'm hoping to avoid the awkwardness by giving him my number and asking him to call me, and then missing his call, and have him leave me a message STATING HIS NAME AT THE BEEP!

Also, with this "no-name guy", we have had nothing but proper conversations since we began speaking...until today. Out of nowhere, he got all dirty with me! It was kind of unnerving at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I was intrigued by him and his new found dirtiness.

Contestant #2: A guy who my roommate went out on two dates with, but I had forgotten that when I IMed him...he was the one who reminded me of the connection. We have been IMing since then, and the conversations lately have been getting more and more intense, and I think I may actually have to bring it up to my roommate that I'd like to go out with him. He interests me, but I don't think he'll end up being anyone long-term or anyone serious. He's very much like Drew in his love of being non-kosher, and isn't religious enough for me. But, if he's good in bed...

Contestant #3: An animator for a cartoon that I've seen once, who I spoke to the other day. He asked me out for dinner, but I had work to do for a class that night, so I gave him my number and told him to call me.

Which he has...three times...and hasn't left a message once.

How do I know it's him? SLYDIAL baby! Best...invention...ever!

The not-leaving-a-message thing is kind of annoying...I haven't been near my phone, or able to answer, when he has called, so it's not like I've been screening my calls. I really wish he'd leave me a message so I can call him back!

Contestant #4 (and by far, the cutest): a guy who, without my friend's help, I might not have ever made contact with. I saw him on JDate, and hotlisted him. He saw me, and instead of IMing me since I was online, he emailed me. I can't read any emails because I don't pay for JDate, so I asked my friend who does pay to email him for me. Now, I know this could have totally backfired on me, and he could have seen her and liked her instead. Thankfully, it didn't. He emailed me, and we have emailed back and forth a bit. He dared me to call him in his last email, and I did...just with slydial's help (I'm a wuss, I know). So, now I'm waiting for him to call me back.

Not-Really-Sure-If-He's-Even-A-Contestant #1: The reason why I'm not sure if he's a contestant is because it's a weird situation he and I are in. Here are the facts:

He and I met at a party that he and his (then) girlfriend came to.
He is in the same field of work that I am in, and we share similar interests regarding that field.
He and I became fast Facebook friends, and then moved our chats to IM.
He had been IMing me quite a bit recently and when I brought up his girlfriend, he told me they broke up (what???).
Ever since that conversation, he has still been IMing me, and has been venting his frustrations about the break up with me.
We have tentative plans to get food and drinks on Tuesday.

I'm a little concerned about Tuesday. I don't know what his intentions are...maybe he just wants to talk...maybe he wants to do something else. My gut is telling me the latter, but my brain (for some reason) wants it to be the first. He's not a Heeb, so there's no relationship that will stem from this. If he wants a fuck buddy, that's fine...he's hot, and I need to get laid. I guess I'll know the deal on Tuesday (especially if other people join us). I need to look hot :)

So, those are the candidates...let's see if any of them make future posts!

A Non-Date Between Former Friends With Benefits

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 22:14:00 +0000

So, I know this is not a post about a date, or someone that I am dating (or used to date for that matter), but I need to write about it, so here we go:

I used to be "friends" with Ilan years ago. We were introduced through friends, had crazy sexual tension for years, and finally got together about 3 years ago. I told him going into it that I wasn't interested in dating him. He's not Jewish, and I wasn't interested in dating anyone who wasn't a Heeb. I was still dating other people while he and I were "coloring", but I didn't sleep with them while I was sleeping with him.

All was fine until I met this guy who I was actually interested in. I told Ilan about him, and told him that we were done sleeping together.

He flipped out.

He cut me out completely. He apparently was getting more attached than I was, so it was hard for him when I told him that we had to stop.

We didn't talk while I was dating the other guy, but when they guy and I broke it off, Ilan and I met up again for drinks at the bar we usually hung out at.

Alcohol + Us = Sex

So, we were back on...sleeping together, but not being in a relationship. We decided not to tell our friends. They would kill us if they knew we were doing this again after how badly things ended the first time.

Fast forward to the night of the fight to end all fights. I had gone out with a guy (who I ended up dating for 4 months), and I decided that I didn't want to sleep with Ilan anymore. But, I also decided to not tell him about the date until after I was sure I wanted to date this other guy (since the last time I ended things early I ended up in a fight with him AND I ended up only dating the other guy for a few weeks). He, on the other hand, had let our friends know we were back to sleeping together. I found out about this hours before our friend's party. Needless to say, I was pissed, so I kind of ignored him during the party. We ended up getting into a fight in the cab ride home, and I told him about the other guy, and things got nasty.

We didn't speak for almost 5 months.

We kind of made up over the summer, and it was a completely platonic relationship. We hung out over the summer a lot and everything was fine.

And then he met his girlfriend.

I never saw him after they started going out (with the exception of our friend's wedding) until last night.

It was so odd seeing him again. Here are the highlights:
1) He looks great.....grrrrrr....
2) His girlfriend is horrible....I've heard stories from his friends about her, but he was telling me things about her that made me want to punch her in the face.
3) He and I were reminiscing about our past...and I was getting turned on thinking about it.
4) When I told him that our friends were busting my chops about us hanging out again, and I said that I told them that I would never sleep with him while he was dating his girlfriend, I was kind of hoping that he would be annoyed about that and want to sleep with me again.

Either way, it was a fun time. I never realized how much I missed talking to him until last night. I feel so comfortable sometimes around him. I said things to him that I don't think I'd say to anyone. We are very similar in some ways.

It sucks that he has a girlfriend. It sucks that he's not a Jew. It just sucks....

So, I Have A Wacky Idea

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:31:00 +0000

My friend, Neo Steel, has complained that I haven't been posting enough on my blog. I explained that I'm not actively dating, so unless he has someone to set me up with, he can suck it up and deal.

Which gave me an idea...probably not a good one, but we'll see what happens.

I'm throwing myself out there to be set-up by whoever has a guy for me. Now, I do have some criteria (so don't think I'm getting too crazy with this), and if this criteria is not followed to the LAW, I will stop this experiment STAT!

Requirements:
1) The guy must be Jewish. I'm not getting involved with non-Heebs, just to be disappointed in the end.
2) I would like a guy over 5'11". I'm 5'10", and it's annoying trying to date shorter men. I feel like the jolly green giant when I'm around short guys, and I don't think it's something I can get past.
3) I will have to see a picture of the guy, and do a phone interview before I meet them. I won't just meet a guy blindly (especially when it's set up this way...I would never meet a guy off of JDate without screening him over the phone either).
4) If I do meet the guy, it will be in a public place, preferably during the day, where there are LOTS of witnesses. If you are crazy, don't try to stalk me.

If you would like to take up this challenge, please send your friends/relatives/coworker's pics to me (plus their info) at atleastitsafreemeal@gmail.com

Happy Hunting!

Am I Invisible?

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:13:00 +0000

I ask this, because that's how I felt in the LAME experience that was my set up. I'm pretty sure that I can be seen by normal human beings, but the jury is still out on whether douchebags can see me. I had two invisible-feeling situations last night.

1) The actual set up. I got a text from my roommate saying that the guy was there, but that she thought he's really gay.

HUH? GAY? How could she set me up with a GAY guy?

Okay, maybe he's not gay...maybe she's overreacting.

I never got to find out if he's gay or not, because this was the exchange between us.

Him: Hi
Me: Hi
(we shake hands)
(he turns his back on me and goes back to hanging out with his friends)

I swear I'm not making this crap up...this is my life...

What bothers me most is that I find most of my roommate's camp friends to be kind of dickish towards me. I thought originally that it was because I didn't work with them at camp, and therefore, when they were in their "camp mode", they weren't open to meeting new people. But, now that camp is over, you'd think this would change.

But it hasn't.

They, like this guy (who I am SO tempted to reveal who he is because of his shitty behavior), completely ignored by presence. I haven't felt that awkward since high school.

2) There was this group of guys that cut the line to get into the bar (#1 reason why they are douchebags). While I was dancing with my friends (after the first incident, I went back to my friends), I saw this guy pull up his shirt to expose his not-so-sexy stomach. I made a face, and one of the guys in the douchebag group saw me, and came over to talk...at least, I thought he wanted to talk, but he didn't seem to understand anything that I said to him. It confused me so, and when he finally left, I went up to a complete stranger and asked him if I was speaking English and if he could understand me. This (normal) guy was able to understand me perfectly. Apparently I don't speak douchebag.

So, that's it on the set-up front...not sure when the next one is coming, but I'll take it if it does!

Ladies and Gentlemen...

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 00:27:00 +0000

I have a blind date on Saturday...and I'm so not excited.

Here's why:

1) This blind date was scheduled last week when I didn't feel well, but my roommate insisted that I met this guy ASAP, so we decided to meet at a huge festival going on this weekend that we'd both be at. It's much less stressful for the two of us than meeting at some bar.

2) I'm so not in the mood to date...especially starting this weekend. I have not been dating lately, primarily because my track record has not been that spectacular with the last few people I have seriously dated. I wanted to take time for ME. Now, this is not to say that I would refuse a date with someone, but I'm not terribly enthusiastic about a blind date. If I knew what this guy looks like, I would be possibly more enthusiastic. My roommate refuses to show me a picture of him, or tell me anything about him beyond that he's a heeb, tall and a teacher. He better not be fugly...

3) I have a crazy weekend. I have a class that I'm taking Friday-Sunday (all day Saturday and Sunday, and from 6-9 Friday night...fun!), and am getting a visit from Aunt Flo on Saturday as well...being tired, bloated and crampy is exactly how I want to feel when I meet a potentially cute guy the first time...awesome.

So, with that said, bring on the blind date! I'll post my response to this whole event on Sunday after I get home from my class...

UGH, Go AWAY!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 22:43:00 +0000

So Dean called me yesterday. I didn't recognize his number right away, but I was on the phone with a friend, and since the number wasn't in my phone, I didn't answer it. He didn't leave a voicemail, so I had to slydial him to find out if it was, in fact, him.

Thank goodness for slydial. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's an ingenious invention which allows the person using it to just call someone's voicemail. Ever wish you didn't have to pray that a person won't pick up when you call them because you just wanted to leave them a message? Well, with this service, you can. And, the best part about it is that it's FREE!

Thank you slydial for making my life easier!

Okay, so back to the problem at hand. Why is he calling me? After 2 months of not contacting me (the last time was a text on my birthday), why now? I'm thinking that if he calls again, I might answer and just ask him why he keeps trying to contact me. What about "go fuck yourself" isn't clear? Why would he think that I just want to be friends? When did I say that during the most recent break-up?

Douchebag...

By The By

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 04:27:00 +0000

Dean won't go away...

We share a birthday, and it was a few days ago. I'm partying with my friends, and I see (after midnight, and when my birthday officially begins) that I got a text. I thought it was from one of my friends who I had just text messaged a few minutes before.

I was wrong.

It was from Dean. The stupid douchebag felt the need to wish me a happy birthday as soon as it was my birthday! He also put that he knows that I hate him and that even thought I may not believe it, he still considers me a friend.

What the fuck? Why? Why, why, why, why, why would you text me?

GO AWAY!!!

The only thing that comforts me is that he was probably alone and feeling pathetic when he sent that text. It was precisely at 12:01, so you know he was waiting for it to be midnight to send it.

I deleted it.

Hopefully it will be the last text I ever get from him.

I Am Too Good

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 04:13:00 +0000

I don't mean that in a savvy sort of way. I mean it in a "I love my roommate more than she knows" sort of way. And I mean the sentence before in a completely heterosexual way.

Now that we've gotten that cleared up (right?), I'll tell you why I'm such a good girl.

July 4th was an interesting night. I saw my roommate's ex at a party that I was requested to show up at (or else he would have been at my house at 4am banging on my door), and everything was SUPER TENSE the moment I arrived.

Now, mind you, my 17-year old cousin was with me, so I had to play appropriately.

Okay, back to the story.

So here we are, barely speaking to each other, as usual, and he is FUCKING ME with his stares. Like, he was with some guys across the lawn and I was with some chicks I was hanging out with and I see him looking at me, and the second he catches my stare he looks straight at my crotch and bites his lower lip.

FUCK ME (and I don't mean that in the literal way)! WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE GUYS WHO I CAN'T FUCK WANTING TO FUCK ME?????

I love my roommate.

He and I finally sit next to each other, and when he asks me if he can come over/have sex/blah blah blah me again, I tell him that my roommate/his ex has put the kibosh on us ever sleeping together again.

"She did what?!?!?!" he exclaimed.

Now, he has been trying to get her to let us sleep together again since we slept together, but refused to give either of us each other's phone numbers.

So we exchanged that night.

Let the dirty texts commence!

All...night...long...

The best part was that I got to reject him over and over and over again, and it was awesome. On the bad side, some of the stuff he was saying sounded quite interesting, and made me extremely annoyed that he is my roommate's ex as well as, well, who he is.

Let's face it...he's a whore. Always was, always will be...it's who he is. If he wasn't, I don't think I would find this as amusing.

It really is a shame that I can't just use and abuse him. I mean, I can abuse, but really, that can only go so far before one of us says "that's it" or we do something worse, which will hurt my roommate.

And I love her more than the idea of having fun with him, so that's not an option.

Okay Cupid/Fate/Whomever is up there determining who I will get involved with! Send me someone I can actually be with, instead of just tormenting me! The game is fun...I just know it will get old eventually.

I'm Lame

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 15:53:00 +0000

But I'm okay with that.

I blew off the Israeli. I feigned illness and instead went out with one of my friends for sushi and drinks.

And it was so much better than shlepping into the city after a long week.

For those who are wondering why exactly I blew him off, here are my reasons:

#1: I didn't feel like getting dressed up and going into the city for a night of drinking and dancing with a guy I barely know, and had no major motivation for seeing.

#2: I didn't want to possibly be put in a situation where he would want to get physical. Let's face it, the night of the Matzo Ball I was just flirting, with no real intention of doing anything. If he actually thought that Friday would end with something sexual, he would be wrong, and I didn't want to find out if that was going to happen.

#3: I'm essentially lazy now when it comes to going out with guys, especially on a Friday night after work. You either come to me for stuff or I don't go out at all (at least not with a guy I'd date). Hanging out with my friends, who love me no matter what, is MUCH more appealing.

So, sushi and drinks with my friend was the M.O. for Friday night. Saturday I went to the beach with friends (again, no stress)...this is what my summer needs to be like!

Deja Vu Sucks

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 22:26:00 +0000

I always do this...

I set up something with a guy I don't really know, and right before it happens, I start not wanting to go. Usually, the date/hanging out/whatever you want to call it goes smashingly well.

The Israeli and I haven't really spoken until tonight. We texted a few times, just to confirm days to hang out, but haven't really talked. I was beginning to think that Friday wasn't going to actually happen, and even made back-up plans with my gay boyfriend who I haven't seen in six months (and, honestly, would rather hang out with on a Friday night when I'm tired than the Israeli).

But then he called...and we have plans.

I should be excited, right? I'm feeling quite non-energetic. It's been a long week work-wise, and I'm exhausted. I'm not feeling well as I type this, so maybe that's why I'm feeling so unexcited about tomorrow.

Right?

We'll see how tomorrow goes...worse comes to worse, I feign sickness and head home (or bail on him wherever we go). After all, I will never see him again, right?

A (Possible) Blast From The Past

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 17:12:00 +0000

Okay, so back in December I went to the Matzo Ball with my girlfriends in search of a Jewish guy. Of course I found the only non-Jew in the crowd, saw a couple of guys from JDate, ran into friends of my ex (Michael), and met a guy from Israel who ended up hanging out with me and my girlfriends all night.

This Israeli and I immediately hit it off. Another girl in the group was majorly hitting on him, and as a respectful female I didn't fight her for him. After all, he was just going back to Israel a few days later, and I wasn't really in the mood that night to hook up with anyone. I just wanted to dance and have a good time.

Towards the end of the night, the other girl left, and he and I were kind of alone to chat and whatnot. We ended up sharing a cab to Penn, and because I had broken my cell phone a few days before, he had to give his email to my friend.

We emailed a few times, but I haven't heard from him since...

Until Friday night.

Facebook is a wonderful site.

I check my email on Friday and it says "Random Israeli has added you as a friend on Facebook."

WHAT?

So, I go and add him as a friend, and then write on his wall, "Well, well, well...look who it is".

And the next day I get this email:

"Hey,
How are you??
We had a great time in Christmas so I could not be in the city again, with out finding you
Ill be around till the end of next week so we can maybe set something up (I would have called… but I don’t have your number)."
HOLY CRAP...

So, let me get this straight...this guy remembered me enough to find me on Facebook when he was in NY again 6 months later?

Who is feeling kind of flattered? THIS GIRL!

So, I emailed him back with my phone number, and the days I'd be able to hang out. He texted me later with his number and said he'd be here until Saturday and that's he'd call me later.

I guess we will see if this "getting together" ever happens!

Huh? What? Who?

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 00:53:00 +0000

Back in December (12/19 to be exact) I wrote a post about having fun messing with a guy's head who I would never sleep with...

How do these things happen?

Okay, so let me explain. This man in question is someone that under normal circumstances would never fool around with because he dated one of my friends. And, even though the sexual tension at times is intense, it's "sisters before misters" when it comes down to it.

Until she decides to hook up with one of his friends...while they all are at my place...um, yeah.

Now, if you had asked me or this guy at, let's say, 3:00pm if we would have ended up having sex with each other 12 hours later, we both would have laughed. The idea seemed ridiculous to the two of us initially, but due to some wine/beer, a semi-short game of Truth or Dare (because we are back in seventh grade apparently), and the other two members of our small group hooking up, we were left alone, and we both were horny.

So we kissed.

It was okay...not terrible, not fabulous, but nice and after a while he kind of got the hint that I liked to be kissed a certain way. There was no crazy passion, but it was okay.

Then we moved to the bedroom. The other two did, so why not us, right?

Shirts came off...pants followed. He went down on me and even though I really wanted to be able to orgasm from that, he was just too fast with his tongue, and I couldn't enjoy it. I faked just so he would stop.

At one point I must have made a face that he noticed because he said to be, "What's that face for?" I replied, "It just occurred to me that I am just another notch in your belt. I know the way you talk about women, and I'm becoming one of those women that you just fuck and talk about to your boys."

AWKWARD!

The awkwardness passed after we both realized that we didn't care really about what happened after this encounter, that if the other two were getting their jollies why couldn't we, and we continued.

Good points: 1) he cums easily...not too fast and not too slow...plus, he moans which was such a turn-on; 2) he is attracted to vaginas...he loves them (as well as breasts) and is willing to pay attention to them at all times; 3) the sex was good, and I came through that a bunch of times.

Not-so-good points: 1) his fingering sucks; 2)he snores; 3) there was absolutely NO passion, nor the feeling that I would want to sleep with him again.

The next morning he left early (thank goodness) and I haven't heard from him (not that I expect to since we don't have each other's numbers).

I'm glad that I had sex (even if it was with this guy). I needed to separate my last encounter with Dean from whomever I date next. This guy was the perfect person to be that separator. It's completely meaningless and felt (physically) good.

I'm also glad that after all the tension that it was okay. I didn't think it would be mind-blowing, and to be honest if it was I'd be disappointed that I wouldn't be able to have it again.

Now I'm ready for my summer of semi-celibacy :)

How To Lose A Potential Friend In 10 Sentences (or less)

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:14:00 +0000

So, Dean text messaged me yesterday. A whole week without any calls or texts (he can't contact me any other way at this point), and for some reason the dumbass decides to text me.

He said that he knows that I don't get him or the way he thinks, and that he knows that I don't want to hear from him, but that he didn't want things to end the way they did. He wanted to be friends but (now get this) I handled the situation the wrong way. He then added that he will always consider me a friend if I ever want to have him as one.

(did you notice how he blamed me when he was telling me that he wanted to be my friend?)

Um, yeah...I'm good.

Why would I want to be friends with a condescending, self-centered, can't-take-responsibility-when-he's-wrong, immature asshole? I'm already friends with someone like that, but I'm only friends with him because we share some mutual friends, and it would be awkward if I wasn't cordial to him.

Needless to say, I'm ignoring him. Hopefully, he will take the hint and leave me alone. He supposedly knows that I don't want him to contact me, but that didn't stop him from sending me that initial text.

I have decided that I need to take a break from dating (at least active dating). I don't want to go back onto JDate or Match. I really want to enjoy my summer, have some alone time, and focus on me.

Not to say that I wouldn't accept a date if it was offered to me...I'm just not on the prowl like I was when I first started this blog. I need a break.

(pray for no more texts)

How Many Fights Does It Take To Make Me End A Relationship?

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Thu, 29 May 2008 00:08:00 +0000

3 (well, technically 4)...within a 3-week period...especially when I realized that this relationship was doomed from the taking back.

Let's start at the beginning:

Week #1: We make plans to hang out on a Friday night. At 10. After a long-ass day of work. And then we were getting up at 8am to go to the Aquarium with his parents.

He calls me at 8 that night to tell me that he's going to have to meet me at 11 instead (great) because the thing he was working on with his best friend was running longer than expected.

Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled. He sensed this, and later, when he called me to ask where I was, preceded to get annoyed that I was a tad annoyed. A TAD being the key word here.

The trip to the Aquarium was nice (at least I thought). Little did I know that he was holding a grudge about me being annoyed from the night before. I got the cold shoulder the entire time there (his parents are nice...it's a shame that they will never be my in-laws), and after the trip I went home.

Weirdness ensues...

Week #2: Finally, we have planned to hang out alone on Saturday after my in-service class. I get a text mid-class saying that he got a call from his brother telling him that he had to go to his sister-in-law's grandfather's birthday dinner. Now, a normal boyfriend would automatically ask me if I wanted to go (and not give me an option of staying home), but instead it took a very long time for me to coax that offer out of him. I told him that I couldn't really discuss it, and that I would call him when I got out of the class.

I called him on the way home, and he informs me that he already told his brother that I wasn't coming.

Huh? When did I say that?

We then entered into a huge fight that eventually ended with us grumbling that I would go (why the fuck would he tell his brother I wasn't coming???) and that we were both pissed at each other. I went to the dinner, and, even after apologizing for not understanding why it was important for him to be there, he still treated me like I wasn't there once we got back to his place.

Let us now enter into Awkwardland...

Week #3: After a very long phone conversation the following Tuesday about what was bothering both of us (in which he brought up the whole keeping kosher thing AGAIN, even though it was supposedly not an issue anymore), I felt like this was going to be the end of us. My party that I had came and went (all with no physical contact from him, during and after the party), and Sunday rolled around (aka the day before the death of our relationship).

I texted him to find out what time his friend's BBQ was on Monday. He had told me about it the weekend before, but I never gave him a response as to whether or not I was going. He texted me back, "I don't know, why?" I responded that I wanted to plan out my day.

This is the response I got: Why does it matter. You're not coming.

WHEN THE FUCK DID I SAY THAT????

We then got into (over the phone) a screaming match that lasted a while. My friend was over, and it was nice to have a person present to see what I had been dealing with for the past 2 weeks. Nothing was resolved by the time I hung up on him, and when he texted me an hour later with a lame quasi-apology, there was still no invitation to the BBQ.

Why doesn't my boyfriend want me at these things with his friends? Does he not get that when you are in a relationship with someone, the other person shouldn't have to RSVP for things and that it is just assumed that they will be there (unless they say otherwise)?

The next day I decided that I really needed to talk. He decided to stay at his friend's BBQ instead of coming out to me (wrong move #1), and when he called me, he immediately went off on me as soon as I told him how upset I was (wrong move #2). After me saying something he found offensive ("Did I stutter?"), he hung up (wrong move #3). He called me back (I ignored him) and after checking the voicemail, I called him back. The conversation this time wasn't much different. He went off the minute I said anything that contradicted his point of view, and I got so frustrated with him, that I hung up after saying, "Go fuck yourself".

I have blocked him. MySpace, Facebook, IM...everything I can possibly do to prevent him from harassing me, I have done. I am so done with him. I can't be with someone who is so close-minded, so irrational, and so immature that they fight the way I did when I was 15. The difference here is that I don't fight the way I did when I was 15. I grew up, and know when to check what's going through my brain, and prevent it from coming out of my mouth.

So, while he was the most passionate boyfriend I have had, he was also a dick. I rather be alone and happy than miserable with him.

Side note: the day after we broke up, I received the invitation to the surprise party I was helping his mom plan. I had to RSVP (which I did, thankfully to voicemail), but he'll never know that I told his mom about the breakup (possibly before he did) because she can't tell him she spoke to me. Thank you surprise parties!!!

A Change

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Sun, 18 May 2008 20:36:00 +0000

I think we have hit a roadblock. I don't know what it is exactly, but it's there, and I don't like it.

For someone who was all "I miss you so much" when we broke up, he's not seeming that way now, and I am growing sick and tired of it.

Part of me is staying because I'm hoping it's a rut that he's in, and that once whatever is bugging him passes it will go back to how awesome it was in the beginning.

The other part is staying because I want Rockband...this would be the evil, horrible, cruel part of me.

I have hope that he will go back to how he used to be, especially because I really liked him, and could see myself living with that person for the rest of my life. This funk-getting-into person that I am dating now is not someone I can see myself with forever.

I need to reflect a bit...

The Intensity Continues

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Mon, 05 May 2008 01:22:00 +0000

It's kind of a blessing in disguise when someone screws up in a relationship.

Ever since Dean and I got back together things have been great. Hanging out again has no stress attached to it, primarily because I realized that he likes me for me (not because I look like Leonardo, or the guy who played in Fargo, I think his name was Steve...tee hee, I had to). We are having fun, and I'm not freaking out or getting annoyed by things that I used to get annoyed at because they no longer exist.

Also, the sex is super intense and amazing.

I like sex as much as the next girl, but honestly I could live without it if I had to. However, with Dean the sex is so intense, and we have such a connection, that I would be speechless and lost for a long time if I couldn't experience it with him anymore.

I also think I am falling in love with him.

I think he is also falling in love with me, but neither of us has actually said it to each other. I think this because he made me a mix CD and 99% of the songs had to do with love/being in love/falling for someone/etc.

He's meeting my mother on Wednesday. We'll see how that goes, and what happens after that.

The Best Laid Plans Go To Waste (no pun intended)

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 22:06:00 +0000

So much for not having sex...

Honestly, I have to agree with my best friend who said, "why put a time limit on when you will sleep with him again". I get the whole "I only have power over the situation if I withhold sex", but I also would be punishing myself if I did that. I also felt that he had done his penance, and I hate watching someone apologize over and over again.

I've been through enough with him making me feel like crap, don't you think?

So, after some heavy-duty making out, we had sex.

And it was great.

I love that he gets pleasure from seeing me be pleasured. I love how he makes me wet by just looking at him. I love when he grabs my hair and pulls me towards him while kissing me. I know this will sound odd (at least for the people who know me), but he makes me feel like a wanton sex goddess.

And, as we know, the goddess has all the power

There's No Sex In The Champagne Room

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 16:09:00 +0000

Dean and I had date number two (in the "let's get back in my good graces" series of dates). We went to the movies and the sat on the beach for a bit before coming back to my place.

Problem number one: my roommate was at her boyfriend's that night, and would not be coming home.

Problem number two: I really, really, really want to stick to my plan of having him wait, but at the same time I HAVE NEEDS!!!

Thankfully, he has to get up early to pick up his car from the shop, so he decides to go home (phew!). We kiss for a bit, cuddle for a bit, and then I walk him out.

He's coming over tonight to watch a movie (the one he left here). He is planning on staying over, because we are hanging out on Sunday (and breaking Passover) together. At this point I really just want to have him physically there, and talk and hold each other, not necessarily have sex.

That's what vibrators are for...

The Second/First Date

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 03:41:00 +0000

Today was the "I'm sorry I was such an idiot, please take me back" date with Dean. I was nervous, to say the least. Would I be able to hold my ground? Would I succumb to his "charms"?

I wanted to puke.

My doorbell rings. Okay girl, it's now or never.

He's wearing a "Nice Jewish Boy" shirt. Awesome.

He looks good. He smells good too when we hug (eventually...we left right away to go to the beach).

We lay on the beach on the blanket he brought, just laying there bullshitting like normal.

Finally, out come the magic words: "I'm sorry I acted like such a jerk". We can now have the conversation that I didn't know how to start. I pressed the issue at hand, asking him if he really knew what he was getting himself into. He insisted that he is okay with everything; that raising his kids Jewish is important to him.

Okay...so far so good...

We spent the rest of the day having fun: we went bike riding after laying on the beach, ate lunch by me...all in all a nice day.

I was SO GOOD about standing my ground. I didn't do anything sexual with him, and only gave him a little peck on the lips.

I'm a tad worried that I won't be able to hold my ground for a whole month...I'm so freaking turned on just thinking about him, and how good he looked in his Heeby tee...thank goodness there are other options when I'm alone to get rid of these issues.

But tomorrow night we will be seeing each other again (seeing a movie in the theater...no room for fooling around too much there). My roommate will be with her boyfriend until Saturday, so as long as Dean doesn't come back to my place, I'm good.

He knows I want to take it slow, but I feel like this will be a struggle...

Late-night thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 03:09:00 +0000

Well, it's the night before the do-over date...I'm nervous. I'm not nervous about what is going to happen...I figure I can talk to anyone, so once I see him the nerves will go away.

I'm more nervous about my ability to stick to my rules.

He seems genuine from what he has said from our IMs/texts/phone calls. He seems like he really has been missing me.

My problem is: I haven't been missing him because I have learned how to cut people out emotionally since my parents decided to get a divorce. I don't like getting hurt, and I tend to cut those out immediately who do hurt me.

This is why I am nervous.

What happens if I do fall for him (again) and he pulls some other crap similar to what he pulled last week? Will I be able to wait and forgive? Will I push him away for good?

It drives me nuts how this game of love has so many variables. It kind of makes celibacy look good at times. You can't get frustrated or hurt if there is no one there to hurt you.

But, I guess that goes along with any relationship you have with a person. The only difference with a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is that you may (or may not) become sexually active with the person. And, unfortunately, with that goes more emotions that you might not invest in someone you are just good friends (or hetero-lifemates) with.

I feel like sometimes it would be easier to just say "fuck it", ask my roommate to live with me forever, get a house with her, and have lovers on and off for the rest of my life. There would be no responsibilities: no kids, no pressure to get married, no broken hearts...it almost sounds good right now.

But, I do hope for more. I do hope to break out of this cycle of leaving when things get rough, of writing people off at the first chance I get when things get uncomfortable, of being insecure when I'm in a happy relationship. I am learning to speak up when I'm not happy with something. That's a step in the right direction.

Hopefully my footprints in the sand tomorrow will lead somewhere positive...

Second Chances (aka I'm Being A Bigger Person)

noreply@blogger.com (Maggie May) — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 17:23:00 +0000

Read and enjoy:
Dean: hi

well you're not talking to me but i wanted to say that i miss you and I was wrong and you were right but i know you don't want me and i am sorry

I messed up a good thing

cause I am sub

stub

me: what?

4:31 PM stubborn?

Dean: yes

not willing to try something

set in my ways

and i am sorry for that

me: i know what you mean

Dean: and i am sorry i hurt you

me: ok

4:32 PM Dean: did you find some one else already

me: it's been a week

so no

Dean: lol you sexy and hot

and really nice

me: yeah, that might be, but i'm not really in the mood to go out and date, you know?

4:33 PM Dean: well i would like to take you out on a date if you would want to ?

maybe a beach date tomorrow

4:34 PM i'm a dumb ass for letting you go just cause of what you eat

a fool

my head was all fucked up and now that i have had time to see out of the box I know you were right and i was wrong

4:35 PM u there?

me: but do you understand that it goes beyond what I eat?

Dean: yes

4:36 PM me: like, there's the whole keeping a jewish house, and having traditions that I have been raised with

and would like to continue

Dean: I am a jew and my kids should know what that is too

yes i do

and i want to know them

me: ok

Dean: and you never know maybe i will like them or maybe not but i want to be with you

4:37 PM me: ok

thursday would be better

mara and i have a date tomorrow

Dean: tell her i said hi

i will be free for you

4:38 PM me: ok

Dean: i know i will have to make things up to you but i will try my best

me: ok

Dean: I like you way to much to let you go

me: ok

Dean: and i am sorry it took time away from you to see that when i know it all along

me: i need to take it slow

4:39 PM Dean: thats cool

if you just want to start off as friends I can do that

me: we'll see how thursday goes

Dean: what ever you need hun

me: and go from there

Dean: ok

me: i actually have to get going to my mom's for dinner

i'll talk to you later

4:40 PM Dean: but if your going to slap me make it the right side of my face the left hurts already

me: why?

Dean: ok have fun with you mom

well it's funny

4:41 PM i was dreaming of you last night and it was a really good dream but then fall of the bed and on my face not so good

me: lol

Dean: yes i thought so to

4:42 PM cut my arm too

me: ouch

Dean: but it;'s like not even there now

just a bit of a scab

me: klutz

Dean: you know we r

me: anywho, gotta run

4:43 PM Dean: any way i know you have to go and thank you for giving a fool another try even if it's one date it's a start

bye hun

So, Dean and I have a "date" on Thursday. I have already decided a few things about how this will go:

1) NO SEX: for at least a few weeks-months. I have electronic devices to get me through that.
2) No kissing on the first date. Fuck that shit. I'm running this game now, and he will have to wait if he's going to get back in good with me.
3) He will have to prove himself worthy of me. I'm not getting back into a relationship right away with him. He will have to show me that he, indeed, has changed, and that he's not just spouting off at the mouth about this stuff.

Michael, my ex who originated this blog, told me that I am making big steps by accepting someone back, instead of writing them off. I know that we are not out of the woods yet, and that this might not be our only disagreement, but I want to take things slow, figure things out, and then decide what to do. No more rushing forward with things.

Slow and steady wins the race, right?

So, with that said, I guess my blog is up and running (again). I have decided that no matter what happens (good or bad), I will be chronicling it. I hate backlogging, so it will be out there for whomever wants to read it.

ENJOY!